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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I'll translate for you...

[quote]1) Asked fiance if he wanted to go to dinner to celebrate shortly after the engagement. When we arrived she commented that she was only expecting my fiance, not the two of us together.

[i]Translation: She wanted to be able to share some observations about you privately with her son to make sure that he knows what he is getting into marrying you. She wanted to talk him out of it. She wanted to enjoy being with her child one last time before she was stuck with you always being there. [/i]

2) Made a comment in front of me along the lines of "Thank God I'm only on the hook for the rehearsal dinner." 
[i]Translation" She thinks you are spending far too much on the wedding and is glad that she doesn't need to pay for it. She may be concerned that you are not financially responsible. If you are from a wealthy family she may not approve of your background with frivolous or wasteful spending.[/i]

3) Made no effort to reach out to my parents

[i]Translation: Why would this be necessary?[/i]
4) Completely uninterested in the wedding planning process or anything having to do with the wedding. When we went to the venue and told them we wanted a fall wedding, his mom asked the wedding coordinator if we could "bump up the date if another bride cancelled." Wedding coordinator had to explain that it doesn't work like that, and weddings are not typically cancelled.

[i]Translation : She's pragmatic and only asking a question because you dragged her there. Its easier for other family to travel during the summer than the fall. She wants to know if its an option to bump it up if you get mad that some people can't come.[/i]

5) We try to include her in the process by sending her different vendors we are considering/have chosen and her responses are beyond bizarre. For example, we sent her a link to our videographer (that is award-winning and a total splurge for us) and she asked "What made you choose them?" We sent her a link to our photographer's website and her only remark was that the photographer "had bangs." I sent her a copy of the digital proof of our invitation (which she asked to see) to which she replied that she was surprised my fiance's middle name was on the invitation. When I showed her a picture of me in my dress she replied "oh, nice."

[i]She doesn't understand why you keep trying to embroil her in this. The wedding is the bride's family responsibility not hers. [/i]
6) Asked if she should bring her own beer to my bridal shower (WTF? It was hosted by family, catered, and had alcohol)

[i][i]Translation: LOL this I is another dig that you are acting like a princess or tacky rich.[/i] [/i][i]

7) Had her friend approach me at my bridal shower and ask if she could get ready with us in the bridal suite. I was totally caught off guard since the request wasn't coming from my MIL herself, the bridal suite is catered and will cost additional $ per person, and MIL's friend would just ... sit there? while the rest of us get our hair and makeup done. [/quote]

[i]Translation: Her friend wants a place to hang out. She didn't want to deal with you to ask. [/i][/quote]

Ding, ding, ding, ding! :thumbup:

You nailed every single question & the more OP tries to pull her closer, the more she's pushing MIL away [b](there's no doubt in my mind that the financial piece is THE biggest issue with her... she believes her son is going to go bankrupt trying to keep his entitled princess happy).[/b]

Don't share ANYTHING more about the cost of things with her or how big of a "splurge" things are.  I know you're trying to impress her, but it's such a turnoff to her & you're not getting it.

Do you lack self awareness in other parts of your life too OP, or only with her because you're intimidated/insecure by her?[/quote]

MIL here. I had all sorts of issues with my mil, but now I'm seeing how the sterotype happens. Families all do things differently, so I'm always misunderstood and everything is taken the wrong way. She said your wedding dress is nice, but that wasn't enough....

My son got marred a couple years ago and I was so stressed at the money being spent on frivolous wedding plans. They didn't have the money, were renting and talking about buying a home, having babies right away, etc. My son was still finishing school. We gently made suggestions for a small wedding, keep expenses down as they save for a down payment. Now 2 years later they can't afford to buy a home and they have a baby. They are spending on top of the line baby items they can't afford.

DIL is now blaming us and her parents for not helping out with the wedding, not being supportive. Her mom and I are helping many times every week with the baby.  I finally quietly said I was overwhelmed with the money spent on the wedding instead of saving for a home and baby. DIL cried and agreed they shouldn't have spent so much.  [/quote]

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