Reply to Just dropped a friend with NPD

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Just dropped a friend with NPD"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You were in the wrong. She wanted to vent, not get suggestions. Let people deal with their pain and hurt their way, if it is causing you no harm[/quote]

Yes, she must have been going through rough patch for a while, people are usually having other symptoms for a long time before diagnosis.
It feels like you let her down when she really needed you. I don't know if you realize what it means to have a parent to be diagnosed with a sentence to death. It can make you go crazy in a way.. even if it is a temporary insanity,  most people forgive what is said in such times and most people are in so much pain they can not censor themselves, the grief is huge..

She truly did not ask for advice.. and often it is not w hat is needed at this time.. first comfort and understanding, lots of it, and a sholder to cry
and supportive arm.. and then eventually if the situation warrants.. but you nned to be really tactful.

You see.. there is this saying "I don't care how much you know, I want to know how much you care" Who knows maybe you have a history
of offering wrong kind of help to her and maybe that is why she called you out and you used it against her?

You gotta  some serious soul searching to do. You are not anywhere near done in my book. 
[/quote]

So your story is she called me up all sad and crying and wanted moral support and love? You don't know a true, diagnosed, narcissist.

Let me be clear. She texted me to say that 'the tests on my mother weren't what we expected', then silence. If I asked a question via text, she didn't respond. That's the withholding side of NPD, how they keep their superiority over you.  I let it go for about two weeks. Then I texted again, asking "how's your mom?". I got back a text saying they were going to the oncologist the next day. I asked her if it was a reoccurrence of her lung cancer from 5 years ago, to which she said yes, then went on to tell me that she's keeping a notebook "so I can clearly explain to her without the semantics the doctors use to make it sound less bad". That's a direct quote. Why she would want to hurt her mother like that? Well, that's what narcissists do.  It was at that point I mentioned immunotherapy, which brought a barrage of attacks insulting my intelligence, to which I replied that I've dealt with the the veiled and not so veiled 'you're so stupid' comments for years and I was done.

And I am.

So you see your scenarios are made up, specifically so you can judge me. Please.[/quote]

So, nowhere in your story is there any empathy that her mother was going through a cancer diagnosis, and that she had NO NEWS, and was likely sad, terrified, and a whole bunch of other things until they actually got a diagnosis and met with the correct medical professional (oncologist). She wasn “withholding” - she didn’t know anything to update you with. As far as keeping a notebook - it’s not a bad idea when dealing with a diagnosis like this. Honesty in treatment is not a bad thing either. THe idea of lying to someone to give them hope, when they are a grown adult capable of making their own treatment decisions, is.. well.. I’m not sure I have words for that.

As far as her not answering your immediate demands, I’d say that’s a normal human too.

FWIW, the fsxtyiu checked with a nurse practitioner, well.. they are not an oncologist. So I’ll drop that one as well. Your information may have been sound,s but your method and timing of communication wasn’t. I have many NP friends, and they can diagnose my strep throat, but I’m not leaving them to diagnose and treat my type, stage, and therapy for a specific cancer.... especially when it hadn’t been disclosed yet. Your “NP freind’s“ advice that she could take it or leave it sounds fairly non committal to me, and not necessarily saying that you are “right” in projecting that stuff on your friend immediately on diagnosis, which is the point of this thread. (Or I thought it was)

I’m sorry, OP, but your posts make you look more and more poorly, when I think you’re trying to defend yourself. Did you meet this fri Nd in some kind of group treatment setting?

In any case, you apparently dropped her, which I think is for the best for her.

So go on, be liberated from a friend you apparently didn’t like anyway. She will undoubtedly go on to a life of her own. [/quote]

If you read further up, I stated I was going to contact them directly. I’ve known them for 40 years. But of course you didn’t read. No surprise. My mention to my friend about the advances of immunotherapy for lung cancers in particular was because I’m concerned for her mother. Narcissism made my friend see that as an attack on her. [/quote]

No, OP, in reality, narcissism is what makes you continue to make this about you.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics