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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We went through something similar.  The dynamic between my husband and his son and his ex-wife and his son is different (not necessarily better or worse, but different), so it was worthwhile to try a switch.  Our son (well, my step-son) really needed therapy for dual diagnosis--mental health issues coupled with drug addiction.  That sort of program is hard to find.  But once we found one, we told him he had to go.  He refused.  Then we waited for an outburst.  We would have called the cops and used that as the precipitating event, but he texted a threat.  We told him we would use that to have him involuntary committed if he did not go to the facility we had spoken about.  That threat (which we were prepared to carry through on) worked.  (As an aside, the in patient, dual-diagnosis treatment was for us a god send, but I realize it doesn't always work that well.)  
In the meantime, I had a backup plan for our youngest child--basically, if an outburst broke out, we were heading to a hotel, no matter when, and staying until the situation was resolved.  My husband was responsible for resolving it.  (I had also identified some nearby airbnbs in case I needed to stay for slightly longer.)
My calling our older child my son above was not a mistake--I just thought all this through from the perspective of having two kids whose needs (very serious, very real) had to be dealt with.  I did not think of it as having one step-kid and one "real" kid.  That's true even though I didn't get to make a lot of decisions concerning our son, and had to leave that, ultimately, to his parents.  Being a step parent in situations like this is all the responsibility with none of the authority, which causes enormous stress (on top of the fact that you're supporting a spouse who's in the thick of things himself).  Try to take care of yourself and try to find someone outside the family you can talk to.  (I never really did, and it was the loneliest time of my life.)  Hang in there.[/quote]

I think this is the best advice you've received. But your husband has to get on board.[/quote]

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