Reply to Stuck in house with conservative in laws- help me keep my cool

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I didn't read through the whole thread and won't get into all the political stuff (I agree with you, mightily).  To put this in context, my super-liberal dad who is from the south raised questions about why and how to take down Confederate monuments and he and my DH and I had a thoughtful conversation where I felt like my DH and I were heard and respected.  So I think there's a time and a place to challenge people's thinking but there are some people it just won't ever work with.

I think your question is more about how to deal with ILs or other family members who drive you nuts.   My MIL-figure (not my DH's mom, who sadly died many years ago) routinely says inflammatory and offensive shit.  Sometimes it's about other racial or ethnic groups, sometimes it's about me personally, sometimes it's about my profession.  Honestly, I have limited my time around her by a lot.  In some cases, my SIL or DH or I have asked something benign like "what do you mean by that?" or "have you ever considered....?" and she seems receptive to some of what we say.  But overall, she's just unpleasant.

For now, I would just avoid.  Once you feel a little more collected, you might consider saying (or better yet having your spouse say) "we don't want political differences to ruin our relationship.  Let's avoid taking about them."  But I also think staying in a hotel is perfectly reasonable, and if it's perceived as a snub, oh well!  Boundaries exist to allow us to have healthy relationships, sometimes with unhealthy people![/quote]

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