Reply to Tweens dropping one friend from the group

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It would depend on the reason for the shift-[b]is the kid being mean and the rest of the group doesn’t want to put up with it anymore[/b] or is the rest of the group feeling like they are now too cool for the kid? [/quote]

We watched this happen. It can be hard for girls to disclose. My DD was the first to drop her  best friend of 8 years. She wouldn’t tell why and faced a lot of criticism from well-meaning adults. A year later, no one came to the friend’s birthday party so her mom took to FB to slam the mean girls at the school. Two moms responded with screenshots of horrible things her DD had texted their DDs. [/quote]

[b]The DD who sent the mean texts had very hurt feelings [/b]and it is sad that the adults (moms) chose to shame her in that way. [/quote]

Uh, no. The girl had sent mean texts for two years before the party. She sent them as the Queen Bee to establish the norms she wanted in their group. She decided that everyone should blow-dry their hair straight. My DD and another girl had long thick biracial or AA curly hair that we the moms would allow them to straighten. So she texted our girls that they looked messy. She also sent texts about parents having old cars and how embarrassing it would be to arrive at school in them so only her mom should drive carpool. She made fun of the accents of two dads and told another girl that a “fat future” was ahead of her based on her stocky older sister.

I don’t approve of what the other moms did, but the mean girl’s mom criticized several children on FB for not coming to a party. She could have approached the parents privately in a group or individual texts. She set out to shame them and then learned some unpleasant facts about her own child.[/quote]

If you are all carpooling why didn't you let the other mom know what was going on and what the issue was.  It sounds like all the parents created a huge mess and no one taught the kids how to deal with these things as they come up.  Usually when kids act like this there is more to the story and often they are treated this way by others or their family.[/quote]

Carpooling does imply that other parents have to parent your kid.

If my kid wanted distance from a friend who was being a jerk I would support that decision. It would be really ridiculous to try to talk to the jerk kid’s parents and force a friendship when my kid wanted to move on. It’s also bad parenting.

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