Reply to How to explain to MIL why she doesn’t get to visit as much as my my mom does

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL comes and visits one weekend every other month.  She’s unhappy with this as my mother spends a lot of time here.  Probably 1-3 weeks a month, and it’s because she’s actually helpful.

My mom will cook for us, help clean, watch our toddler during the weekend, stays up with our infant and does dream feeds.  She allows us to go on weekend trips and stays the night so we don’t have to pay the nanny to spend the night at our house.

DHs mom is severely obese and can’t keep up with our toddler.  When she’s here all she wants to do is sit and rock the baby while watching tv.  She’s critical of me and my parent and it’s an emotional drain when she’s here.

I can’t just tell MIL that I prefer my mom being here to her because my moms actually helpful.

But she’s mentioned numerous times to me and DH that she doesn’t think it’s fair my mom gets to spend so much time with our kids and she doesn’t.

[b]I don’t think she gets it?  I don’t know what else to tell her but the truth.  You aren’t helpful. [/b] [/quote]

[b]Most people don’t require help as part of a visit with family.  [/b]I get that she sounds difficult, but she’s your husband’s mother, and if she’s able, it’s not unreasonable to have her visit more than once every two months.  It sounds like you have plenty of help between the nanny and your mom.   Let her come and spend time with dh and the kids. You can use that time to do your own errands and such. [/quote]

That's a fair point.

However, if you want to come as a guest, then you have to accept that you're invited on a guest frequency. Once every two months sounds reasonable for overnight guests. That means the parents are giving up one weekend every other month to foster the grandparent relationship. That's fair. (Personally, I wouldn't have the energy to host guests every month, let alone several times a month, while caring for young children.)

Sounds reasonable to me.

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