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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This probably isn't creative, but years ago one of my husband's bosses was having an affair with a secretary. [b]I couldn't stand her or him.[/b] His poor wife was still in another state trying to finish packing up the home, Kids etc.

I kept thinking how horrible it would be to move to another state without a support system. Only to find out you pos husband is cheating.

I found her phone number and called her!

[/quote]

You're actually just as bad as the people having the affair.  Nothing about any of that was ANY of your concern in any way--you just butted in because you didn't like him.  You weren't trying to help anyone out.  You have a terrible character, which is obvious in the way you tell it.  This was done just to satisfy you and give you a sick thrill.  Disgusting.[/quote]

As someone who was cheated on before and during marriage, I would have loved for someone to have had the balls to pick up the phone and tell me. I think that shows a lot more character than just smiling to my face and acting like nothing is wrong. [/quote]

+1 I don't know how many folks knew my husband was a serial cheater, but the number wasn't zero. It definitely included his/her coworkers, some mutual friends, etc.

I wish someone had told me before I wasted so much time thinking I was just not a very trusting person.

[/quote]

I absolutely agree with the above.  I would have been grateful if anyone had clued me in.  Infidelity is abusive and a huge betrayal of trust which is made even worse when friends, coworkers and family knew and didn't tell you.  How would you feel if your boss sexually assaulted you and later you found out that everyone in the office knew about the assault but no one said anything about it or helped you in any way?  Very similar.

In addition to losing my marriage, my sexual self, my confidence and the family I thought I had, I also lost professional relationships (because we were in the same industry) and friend relationships.  Thankfully, no one in my bio family knew and they were all terrific about it when I told them.  I can't imagine losing trust in my family as well if any of them had known and left me in the dark.  After the betrayal by a spouse, you really need friends and family for emotional support and you need to continue to have strong career prospects.

Those of you who shame the messenger for not keeping the perpetrators secret, you are actually supporting abuse by siding with the perpetrator and using a culture of social silencing to prevent women from learning or speaking out about abuse.  Just like a whisper network has grown in the professions about which men are abusive, so too should there be a whisper network about men who are abusive in relationships. [/quote]

Even if you do it anonymously it's the right thing to do. The health risks alone is a big reason.

I won't tolerate it no matter who they are.[/quote]

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