Reply to For Better, or Worse: "Open" marriage with a medical ill spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like this is justifiable if the spouse has dementia or is otherwise significantly cogntively impaired. Also perhaps justifiable if the spouse has a long-term physical inability like paralysis. But what seems unjustifiable is stepping out on an acutely or terminally ill spouse. In that case you're taking emotional energy away from them when they really need you in a crisis. This is also very gendered - research shows than husbands are more likely to divorce sick wives. [/quote]

Idk in the cases I've seen, it breathes new life into the spouse (I agree, it's always a man) and they are better able to care for the vegetative or ill spouse. Posters here are making it seem like it's about sex, but it's more about companionship that I've seen. Caring for a vegetative spouse for decades is hard and you really can't judge until you've been there.

I also think that it's normally men that look for this arrangement because women have better support systems of friends and family that they can lean on. Men often don't turn to friends and family and miss the friendship part of a marriage. [/quote]

This was true in our case.  She was not vegetative but sex was not ever going to happen again.  I really was a positive thing for our marriage.  She showed me how much she loved me and cared about my needs by insisting I find an AP and was able to impose a few simple rules to protect our marriage.[/quote]

Was your affair partner married too? I hope so.[/quote]

I had more than one over several years.  Some were married, some not.[/quote]

So, your marital vows mean nothing to you?  If you are religious, then what is the point of pretending as you are breaking many rules?[/quote]

And if he isn't religious? (I'm not) and if his vows didn't include "to forsake all others?" (mine didn't) and Vitally, you are forgetting the fact that this PP and his wife *HAD A DISCUSSION* about it. So it wasn't cheating.[/quote]

They you are still a lousy person.  The wife probably agreed as she needed the financial support and had no other option.  It absolutely is cheating if you are married and seeing other people.

You all make me grateful for my spouse.

You can satisfy yourself without leaving the marriage.[/quote]

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