Reply to Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP it sounds like (because you have basically said this) that you want a relationship with him but not his children. That really isn't reasonable. His children will be hurt if the person he ends up potentially marrying finds them so unsavory that she keeps her own apartment. As many PPs, blending families is difficult, but the difficulties don't vanish after graduation, they just change. It is fine to accept and plan to never be a 'mom' to a kid that you're meeting as a teenager. But you should have a baseline expectation that you would be a confident, a trusted adult in their life. Because if you don't put some effort into having relationships with the kids, then that will likely eventually pull dad away from his kids and be unfair to them.

If I were a divorced parent and dating someone who said what you said here I'd honestly drop you in a heartbeat. Or at least drop you as a long term prospect. Joining a family IS joining a family, no matter how old/young everyone is. And the idea of having a separate house to avoid them when he has custody I mean...you're setting yourself up as the villain in a disney movie. I mean I kind of understand it, but that will hurt his children, and any guy that marries a woman and lets her go back to her apartment when his kids come over is a bad dad, and therefore likely a bad partner.  [/quote]

op here. wondering - are you a man or a woman? a now grown up stepkid or parent?

if i meet the kids and dont like them, i would probably end the relationship. i'm not going to marry someone if i dont like his kids. i havent met them. i have seen the house and....I cant live there. It would be like living in a college group house. It's got all these "old house" issues like possible mold that cause my allergies to act up. i cant live somewhere than i literally cant breathe in. i've slept there five or six times and each time i wind up having to use my asthma inhaler in the middle of the night. [/quote]

Then just break up with him.  If he's not grown up enough to manage a household like an adult, you won't enjoy living with him or even dating him long-term.  See, if you live there, and his kids are there, there's going to be a lot of mess.  And if he's not going to enforce chores on the kids, then who will?  If you try, he won't really back you up, because he doesn't actually care about cleanliness and doesn't actually want to do any chores himself.  So you'll be miserable and the kids will hate you.

Golly gee, I wonder why he is divorced.

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This.  Is it much of a relationship if you can't spend more than a few hours in his home without an inhaler?  Come on.  Time to call it.[/quote]

To be fair to the guy the only concrete things she's said is that he had old furniture and lives in an old house that she believes has mold. [/quote]

She said it would be like living in a college group house.  What exactly that means, I dunno, but it isn't good.  He sounds like a man-baby who doesn't know how to manage a household without his mommy-wife.[/quote]

She's coming across as an unreliable narrator to me.[/quote]

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