Reply to Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. So to the former, now grown step kid - what role do you think someone in my position - if we got married, if we've been dating seriously - should play in a step kid's or potential step kid's life? What do you think is the ideal interaction? The best way to be? That was my original question.[/quote]

Did you read my original response? It would be to be a confidant, a trusted adult.

Not a friend, probably more like a trusted teacher or aunt.  But if you want a future where you're playing the theoretical role of grandparent you'll need to establish yourself as someone who cares deeply for them and who doesn't want to usurp the role of parent, but who cares and is dependable.

I would imagine an ideal future of a wedding where you know enough to hold back and let mom and dad be the proud parent but you've become important enough to the kid that they want to include you in some way. It's a difficult tightrope to walk.

You show up to plays and championship games and concerts, you ask them about their life, you encourage their dad to spend one on one time with them but also actively participate in some family things. You never say a bad word about their mom, never say much at all about her, with your eyes or your mouth.

Do you have any relationships with any children/teens?[/quote]

This.  Caring and responsible adult who minds her own business and knows when to keep her mouth shut.

The thing is, if you really really can't stand loss of control over your home, then you won't be able to do "caring".  Because that's not what caring is.  Cohabiting with other humans involves a lot of compromise, and his standards of cleanliness and the cultural norms of the home are already established.  They're part of a family culture and you can't expect it to change just to suit you, when everyone else is fine with it.  And it doesn't exactly say "caring" to be so bothered by their presence that you can't live there on their custody days.

I understand that you like this guy and want to make it work, but I just don't see how it can if you're having a hard time being in the house at all.  [/quote]

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