Reply to Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP it sounds like (because you have basically said this) that you want a relationship with him but not his children. That really isn't reasonable. His children will be hurt if the person he ends up potentially marrying finds them so unsavory that she keeps her own apartment. As many PPs, blending families is difficult, but the difficulties don't vanish after graduation, they just change. It is fine to accept and plan to never be a 'mom' to a kid that you're meeting as a teenager. But you should have a baseline expectation that you would be a confident, a trusted adult in their life. Because if you don't put some effort into having relationships with the kids, then that will likely eventually pull dad away from his kids and be unfair to them.

If I were a divorced parent and dating someone who said what you said here I'd honestly drop you in a heartbeat. Or at least drop you as a long term prospect. Joining a family IS joining a family, no matter how old/young everyone is. And the idea of having a separate house to avoid them when he has custody I mean...you're setting yourself up as the villain in a disney movie. I mean I kind of understand it, but that will hurt his children, and any guy that marries a woman and lets her go back to her apartment when his kids come over is a bad dad, and therefore likely a bad partner.  [/quote]

op here. wondering - are you a man or a woman? a now grown up stepkid or parent?

if i meet the kids and dont like them, i would probably end the relationship. i'm not going to marry someone if i dont like his kids. i havent met them. i have seen the house and....I cant live there. It would be like living in a college group house. It's got all these "old house" issues like possible mold that cause my allergies to act up. i cant live somewhere than i literally cant breathe in. i've slept there five or six times and each time i wind up having to use my asthma inhaler in the middle of the night. [/quote]

I'm a woman and a now grown up step child.

You're setting up kind of a strange roadblock. No one moves in with another person with the expectation that nothing would change about the living circumstances.

I'm not saying you have to live in a moldy old frat house, just that if you decide to make a life with him it would be ludicrous and insulting for you to leave whenever the kids come over. That isn't a marriage it's a friend with benefits.

Kids move, families change etc. etc.

You seem very focus on what I think of as small problems. Where you would live is a small problem because it's easily solved. But you seem pretty dismissive of big problems like the fact that you don't want to be a stepmother but uh oh, that's all that's in the booty pool lately.

You don't sound like a bad person but you do sound like kind of a superficial person. Or I dunno that's probably too harsh. A person very cavalierly unfamiliar with the pitfalls this relationship might present and weirdly focused on inconsequential things, so much so that you're framing living quarters as this dealbreaker and your solution to the problem (living in a different apartment) is so not in line with creating a successful new unified family that it makes it seem like you're really not interested in a real relationship with anyone other than this man. [/quote]

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