Reply to SIL told me I’m breaking her family up

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[quote=Anonymous]Op, I feel for you, you have my MIL, minus the drinking.  Your DH has been conditioned by them to think this is normal. It's hard to get across that it's not. Your therapist is right when they say you can't change your MIL. Neither can your DH.

I found that I had to disengage. Your DH can visit on his own. Limit the holiday visits to one or two a year and only see them then. Don't visit them on their birthdays or mothers day. Don't organise vacations with them. That way you can see them twice a year and then ignore them.

Be polite and nice when you see them, don't take the bait. If your SIL claims you are breaking up their family, reply with your happy to be married and if she has any concerns relating to her relationship with her brother, to talk to him directly about it.

The reason I say don't visit is that my MIL used those visits to create drama, I smiled too much then not enough, spoke too much then not enough and this was with everything. When I wasn't around there was nothing to say and when she did say something she ended up looking petty. They will never accept you, it won't get better. Find your support network with others and keep them at a distance.

I know it's hurtful. Find a way to move on. Emotional disengage. Once you don't care it's so much better. Keep conversation about them in your home at a minimum. Let your DH handle everything. [/quote]

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