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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like a typical marriage especially if the kids are still young. Too tired. When kids are a bit older and wife hits midlife and her hormones will go crazy, she will want sex every night.[/quote]

Kids are in middle school.  I had a friend who related his mid 40s wife had a sudden surge in libido midlife and the rest if us we're looking at him like he had three heads (and won the lottery). So while that spike does happen, my sense is it's very rare.

Wife doesn't want to have sex in the morning either or mid-week unless I really push for it.  As I type this, seems like the answer is fairly obvious, my marriage isn't good and probably won't last (although wife seems happy, but who knows).

I created this post to get a sense of whether the lack of sex after date night is more normal than I thought or if it's likely another red flag that I should be seeing that our marriage is likely headed to an end.[/quote]
Tell her that regular sex (2x or 3x) per week is a marital deal breaker for you. This might snap her out of the tired-Mommy fog, or at least you will know that she just wants a room mate, so there’s no need to take her on dates while you accelerate the end. [/quote]

Nothing says turn-on more than an ultimatum. Really, if my husband came and laid down the law like that I'd be pissed.[/quote]
Their marriage is headed towards destruction anyway but I say he owes her the chance to save it. But you advise he jumps directly to the divorce/cheating stage without ever getting honest? Well OK if that’s what you prefer but I think a sexless wife deserves at least a final chance.[/quote]

My point is that no sex is a symptom and not a cause. Just saying "sex or I'm leaving" would make me really mad. They need to figure out what's up in a non-confrontational situation.[/quote]

No sex is not just a "symptom." Nor is it a cause.  It is the problem.  No sex is the problem.  The OP said it.

You can rationalize it all you want--the same way many non-sexual wives try to--but the problem is no sex.

Also, your response that him saying "No sex or I'm leaving" would make you really mad, is also typical of the privileged mentality that many wives seem to have.  It would make you mad if your husband honestly  expressed his expectations for the marriage, and the consequences should those expectations not be met?

Your getting mad is simply a form of emotional blackmail in response to the husband's honest expression of the situation from his perspective and the consequence of it not being satisfactorily resolved.

Get mad all you want.  When you are done getting mad, what do you think that your getting mad accomplished?

Obviously you must think that your getting mad would influence the spouse to back down on his ultimatum.  I.E. emotional blackmail, but with the net outcome of no sex.

So that wouldn't solve the problem, it would simply continue the problem.

Instead of getting mad, if your spouse tells you he needs more sex, your obligation as a spouse who wants the marriage to continue is to have sex with  your spouse.

I think you can carve out 15 minutes from your day 2 -3 times per week to have sex with the person you married.

Anyone who doesn't is an unreasonable loon.[/quote]

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