Reply to Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "Tell me about your absolute lowest point in life"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Several years of major depression. I had to leave my job and if I wasn’t living with my parents (at 35), I probably would’ve starved to death because I could barely function. I was suicidal. In fact, the only peace I got was the knowledge that I *could* kill myself at anytime. After a year on the wrong medication, I finally found the right cocktail, but the side effects of one of the meds was fractured sleep. So I could only sleep in 2 hour chunks. So sleep 2 hours, awake 2-3 hours, sleep 2 hours, awake 2-3 hours. So I was getting like 10-12 hours of sleep a day, but in 2 hour chunks.

I was so fatigued, I had to sit in the shower. I would read 3 pages of US magazine and have to sleep because it was so taxing.

It was really the worst 3-4 years of my life. I finally was healthy enough I was able to get off the one med that saved my life, but screwed up my sleep. I found a new job and met my DH.

Then we had 5 years of infertility treatments. We finally moved on to Donor Egg and I got pregnant!! At the 20 week ultrasound, he had died. And I remember about a week earlier that he kicked and thrashed so hard he woke me up at 4am. I know that’s when he died. Giving birth to him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. In the weeks afterward, my arms ached to hold him. 4 years later, they still do.

Oddly the thing that helped me heal was reading somewhere “you’ll never get over this”. I realized I was always going to grieve losing him. I was never going to “get over” this. I needed to find a way to deal with my new normal.

A year later, in fact the day before my first baby’s birthday, I had my second son. He is amazing and wonderful and brings so much joy to my life. But he doesn’t take away the longing for my first son. And I’m always reminded when I’m asked “how many kids do you have?” To the world I have 1, but I really have 2.

There is a really good post from Reddit about grief. I’ll have to find it.

I always look around and think “we never really know the pain everyone is carrying around”. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics