Reply to what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?

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Reply to "what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom did this to me

She was too weak to leave. My dad always blamed me for telling her and we never had a good relationship. [b]I was uncomfortable in my own home, with my own parents for years. [/b]

They finally divorced and my mom and I are fine now.

[/quote]

Op, I woiuldn't let him in until my older daughter who caught him agreed to letting him back home. She will be uncomfortable in that house. It will never feel like home until she can forgive her father.

[/quote]

I think that’s too big a decision to put on a teenager. It sounds good in theory but it puts the burden on her shoulders which is inappropriate.

OP should decide on a set amount of time for her DH to live outside the home. 3 months, 6 months, whatever you can handle. That’s your gift to your daughters. They get that time to regroup and heal. They don’t have to spend all day everyday dealing with their father’s mistakes. After that break, do what you want OP - divorce him, stay married, whatever - but at least give your children time to process what just happened AND time to regroup. [/quote]

New poster. Agree with immediate PP above: Don't out any decisions or choices on either DD now. Dad moves out temporarily with a crystal clear commitment to fidelity and to very intensive therapy. Couples therapy plus probably individual therapy for OP and DH -- and absolutely, individual therapy for each of the girls for as long as necessary. Maybe family counseling all together at some point. OP, the situation really does merit the expense and commitment of ALL of you in therapy now, not years down the road. The couples therapist works with you to determine when is the time for DH to move back home.

The girls need space, including the DD who wants dad around. She too needs a period when dad and her sister who hates dad are not under the same roof. You need to give the girls the gift of that space apart--not focus on "togetherness" just now.

Are you doing pastoral counseling or actual therapy, OP? I know several very well-trained and experienced pastoral counselors and am pretty sure they themselves would be telling you to see therapists and not solely pastoral counselors or pastors. Someone up the thread mentioned you might be seeing a religious counselor, hence the question.[/quote]

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