Reply to what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?

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Reply to "what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?"

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[quote=Anonymous]There is no good choice here.  My parents didn’t reconcile, they tried to stay married for the kids and it was a hot mess before they ultimately divorced including my dad having a girlfriend.  I can’t speak for my siblings but the reasons  why I was able to make peace with things over time
- My mom made my dad accountable for my relationship with him, she didn’t bad mouth him but she wasn’t going to speak for him, defend him cover for him etc.   this was so important- it laid the groundwork for me to have an honest and open conversation with my dad, it didn’t make my mom into the scapegoat/apologist and my dad had to directly deal with  the consequences of his actions (I.e. lying) 
- My dad not only apologized for lying, he explained why he lied and took responsibility for his actions without blaming my mom in a breakthrough conversation we had. 
- In our case, my dad initiated the divorce after many years of various drama - but I did need to see that my mom wouldn’t just put up with anything because she was married in order to stay married. She used religion as the reason SHE wouldn’t initiate a divorce which quite honestly screwed up my view of religion since my dad was no less raised in the Church - likely more so than my mom, yet he could cheat yet she is supposed to do nothing.  But digress. Although she didn’t initiate the divorce, it was important that I saw she could stand on her own feet because up until that point of the marriage issues  I always thought my mom was so smart and so strong and was someone I wanted to be just like someday 
-I had to reconcile in my mind that the happy memories of my dad were real even if the marriage was crumbling.  For the longest time it was a nice feeling that my parents were still together in what I assumed was a happy marriage.  When it all went to crap, I questioned what was real and what wasn’t. Once I worked thru all the emotions above and resolved the anger, I was able to appreciate that at least while the marriage was good, my dad was a good dad.  I was able to work that out for myself. I was only in that mindframe after the relationship with both my parents was repaired.

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