Reply to "Drama" in lieu of common sense?

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Reply to ""Drama" in lieu of common sense?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, my parents. I believe it’s anxiety.[/quote]

oP, your spouse’s case sounds like simple No Common Sense + Self-Centeredness
Maybe even ADD if it’s truly in his family...[/quote]

Definitely in the family: stubborn + ADD inattentive + major, major, major anxiety = train wreck. [/quote]

They all totally have ADHD Inattentive. That also leads to anger issues, extreme defensiveness (for messing up all the time), anxiety, and depressi N.

Can he get into therapy or ideally see a psychiatrist about the adhd. [/quote]

ADHD adults usually have compensatory strategies from a lifetime of living as ADHD. As well, there is some self awareness of the problem and empathy for those affected. That’s not to say it’s easy being partnered with an ADHD person. But, it would be possible, for example, for someone to figure out that he loses track of bills and paperwork, so that’s a bad household responsibility to be in charge of, but he finds doing the dishes easy and relaxing, so he’ll trade for that chore. An ADHD person might be late frequently and even appear flustered when late. But if someone who’s constantly late blames [i]you[/i] for choosing restaurants with too little parking, or blames DC traffic, or rants about something else, that’s an issue other than ADHD.

[b]What OP is describing sounds like someone with very little empathy whose behaviors are often sabotaging. She also describes herself as “overly patient,” which makes me wonder if she’s walking on eggshells to avoid provocation. These factors make me wonder if this relationship hasn’t headed into territory that’s emotionally abusive, particularly since such behavior is often subtle and so dependent on the context and people involved.[/b][/quote]

OP here.  I am so impressed with the outpouring of support on this thread, thank you.  It is really nice to be understood, in a situation that is hard to explain.  The more I read about it, the more I think MIL and DH might have ADHD inattentive.  Plus, lots of anxiety, stubbornness, self centeredness, need to be right, petulant, fixation on a book they are reading, or a screen game they are playing, for example.

I think there may also be some depression and control issues (if it is something else, let me know - DH's siblings and MIL has this) - not wanting select people to feel joy, and "crushing them" when they do (if it sounds sick, it is, and getting worse as DH grows older, but I def see it in his mom and siblings). The information provided has been so helpful, keep it coming.  It is great to have a starting point, whereas before, I didn't know where to begin. It is hard when one comes from an opposite type of family - I thought everyone was like my family (which sounds naive, but I think children sometimes feel this way growing up - wanting to see the similarities in other people - for the good).  As an adult, I teach my children to celebrate both the similarities and differences in other people, they know that people were not meant to all be alike, and what a boring place the world would be if we were all alike.  In DH's family, differences or change cause a ton of anxiety, they seem to take it personally. [/quote]

OP, I'm glad you're finding support here, but please get professional help to resolve these deep seated issues. I think you'll find that your family has a lot of similar underlying issues, even if the surface looks different. You didn't accidentally marry this man that many women would have walked away from. You owe it to your kids to get immediate professional help with this so you can equip yourself to provide them with a better life. Just leaving your husband won't fix this. Take care and good luck.[/quote]

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