Reply to "Drama" in lieu of common sense?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to ""Drama" in lieu of common sense?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, my parents. I believe it’s anxiety.[/quote]

oP, your spouse’s case sounds like simple No Common Sense + Self-Centeredness
Maybe even ADD if it’s truly in his family...[/quote]

Definitely in the family: stubborn + ADD inattentive + major, major, major anxiety = train wreck. [/quote]

They all totally have ADHD Inattentive. That also leads to anger issues, extreme defensiveness (for messing up all the time), anxiety, and depressi N.

Can he get into therapy or ideally see a psychiatrist about the adhd. [/quote]

ADHD adults usually have compensatory strategies from a lifetime of living as ADHD. As well, there is some self awareness of the problem and empathy for those affected. That’s not to say it’s easy being partnered with an ADHD person. But, it would be possible, for example, for someone to figure out that he loses track of bills and paperwork, so that’s a bad household responsibility to be in charge of, but he finds doing the dishes easy and relaxing, so he’ll trade for that chore. An ADHD person might be late frequently and even appear flustered when late. But if someone who’s constantly late blames [i]you[/i] for choosing restaurants with too little parking, or blames DC traffic, or rants about something else, thajt’s an issue other than ADHD.

What OP is describing sounds like someone with very little empathy whose behaviors are often sabotaging. She also describes herself as “overly patient,” which makes me wonder if she’s walking on eggshells to avoid provocation. These factors make me wonder if this relationship hasn’t headed into territory that’s emotionally abusive, particularly since such behavior is often subtle and so dependent on the context and people involved.[/quote]

Your last paragraph is exactly 2nd and 3rd order conditions if ADHD.

A TREATED person with adhd has been training in .org systems that work for him and to be kind when letting someone down. Meds also really help with the inattentive on, pacing around, not listening/hearing, seeing krap right in front of their face, etc.  And cut the smartphone time stat.

And untreated adult male will exhibit 2nd order conditions when he messes up and is even asked , “what happened?” He will dodge the question, cover things up, stonewall, make lame excuses, [b]blame you[/b], change the subject. This continues for a couple years and trust is broken.
Then it’s the 3rd order conditions: ask him “what happened?” and he launches in to a [b]tirade[/b], pretends to be a victim of his “bitch wife”, [b]threatens[/b] [b]abandonment[/b], falls in to depression, totally demotivated and [b]delusional[/b] of his faults.

Counseling would have a lot to unpack by then. Family of origin is big too, since adhd is heriditory. He and has family have built a lifetime of excuses and conspiracy theory excuses for their faults — if all are untreated. They are the good guys, everyone is the bad guy. How dare you accuse them of anything![/quote]
PP, what you’re describing has many hallmarks of personality disorder, which also runs in families and occurs in around nine percent of the population. I used to always ascribe these traits to ADHD as well, and I ended up allowing myself to be rather significantly abused by people whom I thought couldn’t help it. I gave them intense empathy, in fact, believing that if I could just better accommodate their differences that their anger would abate.

OP, what it really comes down to is figuring out what you can tolerate. Put boundaries in place for anything you don’t tolerate. If, in the long term, boundaries prove inadequate for improving your quality of life, consider separation. While it sounds like your husband is the disordered person, counseling for you can help you to prioritize how to set family rules and make changes in your life. It can help you unwind what you want for yourself after years of catering to someone else’s unreasonable choices.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics