Reply to How long did it take you to stop hating someone?

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[quote=Anonymous]The word "forgive" is always thrown out when someone is wronged and feels contempt. It's such an elusive word to offer as advice. If you're deeply religious, then forgiveness is a foundational belief and can really be mess with one's mind. Chasing forgiveness interferes with moving on. Guilt is at play and you question your ability to forgive. For me, it hurts when my (almost never) intuition fails me. Being blindsided by someone you vetted pretty well. Other times, when my intuition is spot on and my physical energy about someone isn't at ease. This is easier because I trust it and move on.

If the person that hurt you asks for forgiveness and is truly sorry (all within reason, not talking about physical/emotional abusers) then you decide to forgive and continue relationship based on trust or you don't. But, if you are estranged as a result and no longer physically in their life, forgiveness is moot. Flip the switch and let your feelings naturally evolve so it no longer consumes you.

People have hurt me or others that I love. Some I've had to continue physically seeing (i.e. mil). The relationship must change and you accept it. I can do this seamlessly without someone even knowing. How people can forgive a murderer or sexual abuser, especially if the victim is a loved one is bizarre to me. I wish no harm to anyone. I don't have to forgive for my conscience to be at peace. I just feel what I feel and compartmentalize until it fades. I did this as recently as 6 weeks ago. I don't even think about it anymore and it was such a strange situation!

OP...very few people are selfless and empathetic. You must know this. I'm grateful that I'm not like them and have a better radar for people who are the real deal. Peace comes if you let it.

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