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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Coming from an alcoholic wife, don't put her on the defensive when you try to talk to her. She needs help, and there is an underlying reason that she's drinking. In my case, my husband had an emotional affair, not physical, but it devastated me. I am working my way out of this pit. He and I talk honestly, I am aware that I have a problem, but he admits and is truly remorseful for his part in it. I have slowed down a lot, am trying to quit, and the best thing that he does for me is that he doesn't nag at me or preach at me. He supports me and holds me, and listens to me. Watch "When A Man Loves A Woman". Your post reminded me of that movie. You and she will be in my thoughts. [/quote]

Sorry for addressing this PP and not the OP...but this advice is terrible, and this PP doesn't see it because she's the (untreated) alcoholic in this scenario. The emotional affair is not PP's problem. Her problem is that she doesn't know how to deal with her depression and is blaming it and how she deals with it (the drinking) on her DH's emotional affair. That is unhealthy and part of denial of the disease. An alcoholic usually turns to alcohol as a self-medication to treat another problem...and the difference is, an alcoholic can't STOP so soon they find the alcohol is controlling their lives. The need for it, the craving, the false sense that it's "fixing" things.
PP is under the delusion (and is letting her husband believe) that HIS kindness and tenderness will cure her of her alcoholism...slowly by being gentle and non-nagging about it. The trouble with this is that it creates an even more harmful co-depedant relationship where DH thinks he can save her and PP can blame him if something he says or does "drives her" to drinking again.

PP...YOU and your DH are in my thoughts just as much as OP. Signed--been there still doing that.
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