Reply to Why do people care if adult children receive help from their parents/family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I like to be independent. I never take help. I raise my kids, pay my bills.[/quote]

This.  My parents are wealthy. My in-laws are wealthy. We would never accept money from them for anything other than an emergency, which in 30 years of marriage has never happened.[b] The idea of taking money from our families to pay for our kids’ schools or for a down payment on a home would go against everything my DH and I value.[/b]  We are adults. We take care of our kids. We pay our bills. I definitely think less of people who accept money from family. We will inherit one day.  But we won’t take money from our families until then. [/quote]

If you’d never accept money from them, decline your inheritance or donate it. [/quote]

+1. Exactly. Such hypocrisy. [/quote]

+2[/quote]

Inheritance is money your parents don't need. If you are taking from your parents you are taking from their retirement. When they are gone the money should go to whoever they want it to go to. But don't act like it is the same thing.

A competent self sufficient adult who has supported themselves for decades getting a small or even big inheritance that will improve their life but not save their life is not the same as someone who is never able to stand on their own two feet and slowly bleeds their parents dry as they age.

I never want my parents end of life medical care or retirement dreams/aspirations to suffer because I effed up. And I never want them to feel like they have influence over my life choices because they have a financial investment in them. That is stuff that can only happen when they are alive (which is hopefully for a very long time!)[/quote]

Inheritance might be money your parents don't need because they're dead, but if you are as self-sufficient and independent as you say you are, you don't need it either once they're dead.  I stand by my statement that you should give it to someone who DOES need it.  Or your parents can donate it to their charity of choice.

And I'm not sure why you think that someone who gets help from their parents is someone who never stands on their feet and bleeds their parents dry.  I agree that there are definitely dysfunctional and co-dependent adults who are way too reliant on their parents (my cousins fit the bill), but there are also people whose parents pay for their college (that's "help" from the parents), lend them a downpayment, pay for IVF, etc. but are not otherwise draining their parents' bank accounts.  [/quote]

[b]I'm not talking about people who take a down payment[/b] or get a college education (I do not think that counts, that falls into the category of feeding your kid organic instead of McDonalds ie, some parents can afford to give more to their kid...you are still under their care at that point).

I am talking about the long term mooches. If you are in your 30s and your parents are involved in your mortgage, if you live in their basement, if you have to ask them to keep your lights on.

That is what most of us are talking about.

Some of us wouldn't take a dime but to me that usually points to overly controlling parents who have demonstrated that they are the kind of people you do not want to be indebted to.  [/quote]

:roll:

The "never take a dime" people need to get their stories straight.

I stand with the other group. If you want to claim you'll never take a dime, that includes inheritance. Otherwise stop patting yourself on the back.

Sincerely,

A poster who lives within her means but appreciates the occasional checks form both sides of the family that allow us to take awesome vacations and will help pay for kids' college. And if there is anything left when our parents pass, we will appreciate the additional funds and have a nicer retirement ourselves.[/quote]

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