Reply to Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?

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Reply to "Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I've been in this situation. My mother and father got divorced when I was in early elementary. My mother was the primary for a few years until she passed and then I moved in with my dad (who did little to no parenting for years and was dating and re-married to a woman who was about 10 years younger than my mom). My dad and step mother went on to have three more kids and while I love my siblings (they are great, nice people), my dad and stepmom are utter garbage.

All of the resources went to my step mom kids. All of the effort, love, etc. went to those kids. From BOTH of them. My dad, before my mother died, said to me "this is my shot of getting a chance to do things the right way and be the father I should be." What I didn't realize was that I wasn't included.

I had a minimal support system through high school and kept my head down, worked and focused on college and moving on. I moved on, went to college (had a free ride with a stipend at a generic state U). I put myself through med school and I basically was on my own.

I have no relationship with either parent. My step mom was diagnosed with dementia and while I feel for them, we don't have a relationship. Like at all. She didn't even come to my college graduation, wedding, med school graduation or anything.

I like my siblings and in a way they sort of agree and see how things have shaken out. My father doesn't, but I really don't have a relationship with him beyond superficial hellos.

My view is that when it comes to kids you have to decide a long game or short one. If it's a short game, then by all means hoard resources, isolate and push the kid or kids away. A betting person would probably think this sort of emotional abuse would screw them up enough that they will never, ever get their lives together, get money, and go on and live their best lives.

The long game is love. While no one can replace a parent, adults can be special, supportive people and invest in children. It's a choice when this doesn't happen.[/quote]

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