Reply to SO: Thoughts on sister and her DH buying a house with my mother?

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Reply to "SO: Thoughts on sister and her DH buying a house with my mother?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I grew up in a mother-daughter house, and now my ILs live with me. In all cases, there were other siblings involved.

In both cases, the siblings NOT living with their parents basically gave up their right to the house/proceeds. This was bc, in both cases, the sibling living with the parents also took on most expenses related to that arrangement, whether it be food, or transportation. or medical care. Any money remaining in the estates, outside of the house, was split among all siblings.

That said, we have not yet run into a case where a parent needed serious medical care that drained down assets. Nor did anyone have to go to assisted living/nursing home. So that burden has not yet hit. [/quote]

I'm not OP, but I can see something like this in my future.  In the end, it seems to be a matter of trust in the parents and siblings to do the "right thing."  And to hope all agree on what that means in terms of any residual assets.  A "first world" problem of course.  But when parents show favoritism or what one child views as poor judgment along the way, it affects that trust.  Plus as people age, their once clear judgment can change, especially if illness or dementia is a factor.  Likewise, when siblings always seem to have their hands out in their 30's, 40's, 50's, that isn't a pattern that's likely to change.  I've seen a sibling "hide" money in a divorce settlement and then live with my parents expense free, so financially speaking, I have reason to doubt my sib's altruism when the time comes to address my parents' care and/or estate.  [/quote]

YEP.  It's extremely hard to trust when you have a toxic combination of parents who make irresponsible/unethical financial decisions; sneaky, greedy sibs; and then the sib suddenly claiming "I'm going to help!!" in a way that puts money into their own pockets.  My response to this situation in my own life has been to completely nope out.  I disinherited myself, told my parents I would not be giving them any money unless/until they showed me they literally were about to be homeless, and told the sib exactly what I thought of them.  What makes this decision easier is that I also have another set of relatives who need help (or who are helping me) who act in a forthright, reasonable and honest manner about all of this stuff.  So my time, energy, and money goes to them, not the crazy liar ones.  [/quote]

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