Reply to Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have girlfriends who literally seem to have married men who are too good to be true. Handsome. Super successful. Wealthy. With great personalities who treat their wives so well. These women are so so happy and thankful. They got really really lucky!

I also know other women who didn’t get lucky at all. Some who are perpetually single and others who very obviously settled for good enough men so they wouldn’t be alone. Why no love for these women? [/quote]

I used to be married to a very wealthy man who was also cold. Our marriage was awful, though we wanted for nothing materially. He was good looking, successful, social, and was generally good to me. He didn't hit me or cheat on me. He wasn't a drug addict. He was nice to our child. But he wasn't warm. It wasn't a loving marriage.

Several years after we separated, I met the man I'm married to now. We rent an apartment and almost never travel because it's too expensive. He's overweight and is losing his hair. He's pretty introverted and doesn't like going to social stuff. But our marriage is amazing. He's so sweet to me and our child that none of the stuff that would seem like a compromise even matters to me. I would rather stay home with DH for the rest of time than go on every extravagant vacation my ex could dream up. [/quote]

Wow I'd go for Husband #1 in a heartbeat. [/quote]

Husband # 2 seems pretty bad.

But maybe it depends on perspective? Maybe PP is also overweight and borderline agoraphobic? I can see how marrying a guy like herself would be more comfortable. No pressure to improve or better yourself.

I just hope husband #1 has a least 50% custody of the because otherwise that’s a really depressing life for the child.[/quote]

PP here. Maybe. But having a fat balding partner and living in an apartment in my 30s is not my ideal. Not at'll. [/quote]

Original PP here.

My ex almost never sees our daughter. He has blown through a string of girlfriends and actually decided to move to a different state a couple years ago. He sees DD maybe one weekend per month from Friday until Monday morning when he drops her off at school. He was a good father when she was younger, but he makes almost no effort to have a meaningful relationship with her anymore. I would love if he lived here and we had meaningful joint custody because I think it's important that DD have a relationship with her dad, but he's not interested in that in much the same way that he wasn't interested in our marriage. When it's easy for him to fit being a father into his life, he does it. Most of the time, he doesn't bother.

As for my husband, my point was that the makings of a good partner have less to do with their paycheck and physique and more to do with how they treat the person they marry and the children they raise. When I said he was introverted and doesn't like social stuff, what I meant was that he doesn't go to happy hour 4-5 days per week, schedule activities with friends all weekend, and take guys' vacations every couple of months. He prioritizes spending time with us as a family, taking our daughters (the one from my first marriage and the one we have together) to their various activities, etc. He makes okay money at a decent, stable job and is home for dinner by 6:30 every day.

When you marry someone for a lifestyle, you have to accept that you may feel very lonely as they put their energy into maintaining the lifestyle. I think it depends on what kind of lifestyle a person wants for themselves. Personally, I'll take a marriage to someone who loves me and demonstrates that he cares about me over a person who only cares about being perceived as successful by other people.[/quote]

JFC, you sound depressed, really sad.  you may have skipped some much needed therapy as it sounds like you don't really love your current DH nor do you truly appreciate and value him.  if you did value and appreciate him, then you would not be here complaining.

for the sake of your 2 children, learn to love your DH and find a way to let go of the fairytale you've created in your head.  or, let your DH free so he can be with someone who values and loves him for who he is.[/quote]

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