Reply to How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yet another? But here, I'll answer honestly.
I worked on and off through the years, and SAH through the years. We have 2 SN kids who had great periods and than very challenging periods. I don't feel guilty at all, zero, minus one. As we moved a lot, kids had to have a stability at home. My parents are in Europe, DH only has a dad,(also in far away state no matter where we moved) mom passed away long ago. Without me staying home, my kids wouldn't have had learning support and constant emotional and loving support I provided. I am happy to report that both are older teens, and while they still have some learning and behavioral issues, they have achieved academically and behaviorally things that their doctors deemed impossible. And I would have done it even if my kids were not SN, most likely. Kids need stability, our moving lifestyle made it often a necessity. I was raised by my grandma, while my parents worked. Yes, in Europe, I am a deviant for my country's standard where mom and all my aunts worked. Where all my female cousins earn more than their DHs and work full time. All of them also had/have their mom and MIL provide that constant care for all of their kids, just like my grandma did with me and my cousins. There is not right and wrong, none of us cousins or my nieces and nephews went to a daycare, and my kids did go to preschool more when I worked. DD loved her preschool, DS was miserable and developed selective mutism. So, yes, I don't' feel guilty at all, and my DH was and is the one who knows how hard it was for me(and for him) that I stayed at home. He knows I like working and that I gave up a lot to be at home as much as I was.[/quote]

+1000

My kids have ADHD and one also had anxiety and depression.  I quit working a few years ago because it was clear they needed more support.  Also our parents are aging and not doing well. There is a huge difference between being off work for a week vs being a stay at home parent.

WHen my kids ate in school, I’m busy being out cleaning crew, scheduling appointments, running errands for DH, planning meals, shopping for the groceries or other items someone on the family needs.  I go to the library to find books for the kids, plan activities that will be good for them from both an educational and social-emotional level.

When the kids get home (the time passes quickly while they are at school), I make sure they get homework done, and often have to deal with emotions about something that was upsetting at school.  Or taking one to see a therapist.

I’ve done both d being a SAHM is a lot harder on many ways.  Your job is 24-7, and often your spouse or kids don’t show you their appreciation.  I don’t get a lot of time with other foreign ups.  My DH has a job that he enjoys, eats lunch and sometimes dinner  at nice restaurants, and has intellectual stimulation. I think of you asked Jon, he’d say my job is harder.[/quote]

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