Reply to Wife wants to move from city to small hometown, I don't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most people want to make their spouse happy (and that's the "no duh" secret to a happy marriage). Apparently you don't. You simply want your spouse to make you happy. That's the definition of selfish.

No need to move, op. I'm sure she'll reach her breaking point, file for custody, and take the kids. Then I'm sure you will be back here kvetching about paying child support...and complaining about dating. I wonder how you'll feel when your kids complain about visiting you in the city...and when they start calling some other guy "Dad." 
[/quote]

You are way out of line.  This women knew she didn't want to live in the city, classic bait and switch.[/quote]

To be fair I'm really not sure that that's true. [b]I fully believe that 15 years ago, when she was young and childless, she may have believed that she would be okay living in the city for the foreseeable future.[/b] Then time passed and she had kids and things changed, and she started to miss home more and more. I don't see it as some sinister bait and switch plan she had from the beginning; I think how she felt changed, and that makes sense. Family is very important to some people. I don't think anyone goes into a marriage thinking okay, I'm obligated to stay living wherever my spouse wants to for the rest of my life - you make plans and change plans and figure it out together.

I met my husband when we were both living in a different (new/neither of us are from here) city. We've been here 10 years - he loves it here and if he had it his way we would never move. But as we've had kids, I miss my family more and more - and no, not because I think if we live near them they'll provide childcare. Because I want them to get to be close to their grandparents and aunts/uncles/cousins - and because I miss them, simple as that. For several years now I've talked about moving back to the east coast to be closer to my family, and (thankfully) he gets it. We won't leave tomorrow, but he understands that we've lived where he wants I be for awhile and it is fair to start looking at ways to move our lives closer to where I'd really like to be for awhile. That's marsiage[/quote]

There is a BIG difference between being okay with living in the city and loving the city. She would have figured that out quickly in the first year let alone three years she spent living in the city before they even got in a relationship.

If she didn't know her own needs, why did she tell him she moved to the city for herself and was fine staying there? If she'd been hankering for the small town for 5+ years pre-marriage - simple solution: MOVE. BACK. HOME. [/quote]

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