Reply to my wife's thin skin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Any practical advice here? Calling me a dick or telling me to get divorced doesn't actually help me solve the problem.

This is not a case in which I rejected 100 furniture options suggested by my wife. We just began discussing furniture, for the first time, a couple weeks ago. She suggested one item that I didn't find appealing. I didn't tell her the choice was ugly or anything like that. I just said that I would like to look at other options and find something we both really like. She then told me to decide on my own. Well, that response kind of sucks the joy out of furnishing the house together. What is the point, if we can't do it together?

To the posters who think I'm some kind of a control freak -- no, I want the opposite. I want a relationship in which my wife and I feel free around each other. Surely we ought to be able to discuss furniture options without fear of offending each other!!!! But we can't. This suffocates the conversation. So I focus on the kids, and she focuses on the kids, and this seems to keep the ship upright. But it is just sidestepping the problem, and pretending that everything is OK, when it isn't.
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My practical advice is to first respond gently and humorously.  "Wow, that was a strong response.  I was looking forward to furniture shopping with you.  Is there something else bothering you?"  If she continues to be passive aggressive, call her out on it.   "You know, you've shut down all furniture shopping because I didn't like one choice you threw out, and I can't for the life of me figure out why.  This seems weird."

If this continues, I do think the two of you need counseling.  Not because your marriage is some kind of failure, but because this kind of communication style -- passive aggressive -- can be death to a relationship.  It's impossible to offer any criticism if it shuts down all communication on the topic.[/quote]

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