Reply to Friend is having affair - wants to bring "other person" on a group trip

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd probably still go, because I wouldn't want to blow up the whole trip for everyone--the trip is too far along and too much money has been sunk into it.  But I also would not make any effort to keep secrets or hide anything from A's spouse.  If I would have otherwise talked about the trip to the spouse, I'm not going to bite my tongue.  I'm not going to hide the fact that B is there.  I'm not going to censor the pictures I post on FB.  And I'm certainly not going to lie for A.[/quote]

OP here:
I'm inclined to do this. It's the path of least resistance and probably the most likely course of action. I already know that one of the spouses attending the trip is going to flip the f#ck out when they see what's happening; they are very straight-laced and it's just their personality to directly inquire. They will be very upset to be put in such a situation by Friend A.

I know my spouse will want all the dirt and will basically require me to post on social media 24/7 while overseas. I won't hold back on tagging. It will be interesting to see if Friend A and Newbie B ask all of us to not put them on social media. The whole scenario is just so cavalier and bizarre.[/quote]

OP, here's the thing. [b]Do you want this to be a nice reunion of old friends, or are you traveling, essentially, to engage in drama? This vacation sounds like drama. Your husband sounds like a judgy rubbernecker of that drama. A is putting everyone in a really shitty situation, and you know that it's going to be drama going in, and you're just going to do that?[/b]

No. Talk to A. Do it now. Be like, "A, I know that you are having an affair with B. It's pretty obvious that you guys are not just friends based on your reaction. Setting aside completely why you'd have an affair in the first place, why in the world would you bring B on this trip? Are you trying to get caught? You know that D and F are going to completely flip out, call you on it, and that it's going to get ugly. I want you to know that while I love you and value our years of friendship, I think you are making a ton of mistakes and I won't be able to back you up when D and F flip out, nor will I hide anything from Mr. A if he asks about it. Please reconsider bringing B on this trip, for B's sake as much as anyone else's. This is not going to go well."[/quote]

OP here:
I'm traveling for a business trip to this city. The drama is coming to me, whether I want it or not. So no, I can't just back out on everyone. My presence is the impetus for the the gathering.

Thanks to all for the good feedback - lots of good perspectives in here that I had not yet considered. Including potential knock-on effects in my relationship with my own spouse. [/quote]

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