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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] They are the ones who decided to move overseas with young children. It was their choice. So now they either can make the effort to travel back for a visit once a year, or acknowledge that this move reflects a deeper lack of interest in being part of the family.[/quote]

OP here. This is an interesting response. We left the States about a year ago for this three year tour, and given the ages of our kids and that we will likely be back in DC for a couple years after this tour that we wouldn’t go home and would emphasize traveling in the part of the world where we are stationed and invite our families to visit as often as for as long as they would like. Our respective families were originally supportive of this but the wedding seems to have changed things.[/quote]

OP weddings are seminal events. There is no getting around that, that is why you are all already acknowledging that DH goes no matter what. [b]Having a one month old newborn is certainly a valid reason for you not to attend.[/b] My DH's brother's wedding was scheduled when I was very very pregnant and it was my second pregnancy, the first had ended at 34 weeks due to huge complication that I was at high risk for the second time around. We also had a 2 year old.

We told everyone from day 1 that we might not be able to make it because it would be very difficult to predict the end of my pregnancy and that if things were looking at all dicey DH himself wouldn't be able to attend (the only thing that trump's sibling wedding is direly ill wife and newborn!). But we still bought tickets, we behaved as if we were coming and it ended up that I was able to attend. We made it look like we WANTED to come, like we wanted to try as hard as we could because that is the type of thing that you show up for. And I don't regret it, it was really meaningful for DH and his family for everyone to be there.

Its one thing to say you're not making any fun trips home, its another to say that NO MATTER WHAT you will not be coming home. What if your mom died a month after you had the newborn. Would you guys skip the funeral or would you all be getting on that plane? I don't say that to be harsh just like, that is the kind of thing this is.

But I do think your kids should be invited, if not to the ceremony itself then at minimum to ALLL the leading up festivities. [/quote]

It would be beyond stupid to buy plane tickets knowing that they will have a one-month-old baby at the time of the trip.  That's not "might not be able to make it," that's "only a true emergency is going to get me to take a baby too young to be vaccinated on two international flights."  I'm not even a germaphobe, and there is no way I would do that--the bay is too young and the consequences of illness are too serious.  If her mom dies a month after the baby is born, OP can deal with it then.  But that's not the situation.

The situation is a wedding, requiring a 30+ hour trip, to which her kids aren't even invited.  [/quote]

Um reading comprehension is a skill. I said that having a one month old was a valid reason to not travel. I just bolded it. My point was that conveying in some way that you understand that this is an important event that would attend if it was possible is important. In OP's case that may not be buying plane tickets.

I do think you're being dramatic about the airplanes. If you strap the baby to you in a moby or something they aren't going to get sick, it is in fact probably the easiest time in that child's life to fly with them. And a lot of doctors will give first round vacs early if a parent needs to travel and is worried. I actually think OP still healing and getting back on her feet is the more pressing issue.

People are different, I would travel to my siblings wedding under these circumstances because I don't think of sibling weddings as optional. To each their own. I would never move somewhere that would preclude me from being able to attend these kind of events. But I drag my kids all over the country and the world so perhaps we're just different. [/quote]

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