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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] They are the ones who decided to move overseas with young children. It was their choice. So now they either can make the effort to travel back for a visit once a year, or acknowledge that this move reflects a deeper lack of interest in being part of the family.[/quote]

OP here. This is an interesting response. We left the States about a year ago for this three year tour, and given the ages of our kids and that we will likely be back in DC for a couple years after this tour that we wouldn’t go home and would emphasize traveling in the part of the world where we are stationed and invite our families to visit as often as for as long as they would like. Our respective families were originally supportive of this but the wedding seems to have changed things.[/quote]

Of course it has changed things. It was one thing when they were thinking about how they’ll miss all of you but you’ll be back and you all can make up for lost time then. But now it’s the reality that you are missing major life milestones for the rest of the family and those things can’t be made up, which feels very differentl[/quote]

I don't even have kids, and when I lived overseas with similar sorts of flights home I got a lot of pressure to be there for family events - I did miss a bunch of weddings, but I tried to come in for family reunions and other stuff. It was a pain and expensive, but it also meant a lot to people for me to be there - like I hadn't just disappeared from their lives.

But: I did not have a newborn! I do think that changes things. [/quote]

It changes how challenging it is to travel, sure. But here's the thing: OP and her husband made the deliberate decision to leave the country with two very young children and then have another baby while they were abroad. That was a choice they made knowing all of the challenges it would present to being involved members of their families (especially given their lack of intention to make any trips back home for three years and instead put all of the travel burden on the rest of the family), and the fact that there will seemingly be no exceptions even for a close family wedding speaks volumes. They were entirely within their rights to make those decisions, but they don't get to then dictate to everyone else that they don't get to have their own feeings about it. People are allowed to be disappointed in them.[/quote]

Oh please.  The fact that a wedding was scheduled a month post partum is the main thing here.  They can make the trip as a family when the baby is 3-6 months and it will be fine.

I had to be in my sister's wedding 7 weeks post partum and that was because my DC was 3 weeks early.  It was excruciating and I only had to fly from DC to Boston.  Taking care of my child and having to be present for everything meant that the little sleep I was managing to get was cut in half (DH was still in DC until the night before the wedding so I had no one to tag team).  By the end of the week I could not put two word sentences together and was walking into things.

Doing that, with two other young children in tow and flying from the other side of the earth means it is a no go.  [/quote]

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