Reply to Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've had multiple miscarriages and a still birth - no live births yet.  I am currently pregnant and over 5 months.  I haven't told any family or friends even yet bc I just don't know, and I really don't want any more pity or kid gloves dealings.  Please respect that your SIL might be dealing with something that you don't know about, and maybe she doesn't want family to know for whatever reason.   She is obviously going through something (prior miscarriages, scan showed something, marriage problems, or other issues), so if you love her like family, show your love through respecting her.  [/quote]

But when you make the announcement would it be via text in response to a discussion about a bbq?[/quote]

NP - exactly 
I haven't told family till after the 20 weeks scan; I also never had a shower and I still find this to be weird and unusual
If this is something you are keeping a secret you don't mention it casually on a minor pretext [/quote]

The brother made the mistake - the SIL was not involved in the text from my comprehension.  I use the word mistake because it is their joint news and I'm sure she didn't intend to be it to be shared the way it was.  It could be for different reason than my own (multiple losses) as someone suggested it could be marital troubles, or something else we don't know - I for one can think of lots of crazy backstories that probably aren't true.  Just because brother texted/said something/took some action, didn't mean SIL knew about it or wanted it to occur.

Yes, it really is just weird, and to me when I see weird I think there must be a why that explains the weird that I just don't have the answer to - and I don't need to know the answer as it's not my place unless you want me to know.  I've had friends and family go through a range of stuff, so my goal is to try and be respectful and supportive as much as I can while still not being overbearing/need to know their business in any way.  It is very hard rope to walk there and I admit sometimes I screw up b/c I'm human, as we all are.  I think the biggest thing I see here is that OP needs to think about why her brother and SIL might be handling their pregnancy differently than she did, and while it is not what she'd do, she should be supportive even if it's weird.

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