Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do people keep saying that it is the discovery of extended family of an unknown birth an adoption that will blow up a woman’s life? First, how fragile  are you our relationships such that they cannot withstand something like this? Even decades later? Also, if there is a concern, isn’t it the fact that the mother kept a secret and likely lied?  And that the child contacting her is just disclosing true facts?   And in the case being discussed, the birth mother has not even been involved in the correspondence. Remember, she did not tell anyone, supposedly, about her child’s existence. If she didn’t trust anyone in her family, why would we think that she trusts them now, or that they communicate with her well, or are looking out for her best interest. Why not let the mom speak for herself.  I certainly don’t think anybody owes anybody a relationship, but this woman made a decision on behalf of her child and is now surprised that that child wants to know the facts of what happened.  That the birth mother, and now adult woman out on her own, not a fragile team, maybe uncomfortable doesn’t change anything in my view. Sometimes you’re just called to explain the facts, and when you give birth to a child, that’s one of those times. [/quote]

And this could just as easily be spun to adopted child. You’ve had a family who has raised, loved, sacrificed and stood by you. What gives you the right to disminish them in order to find someone who does not want to meet you, did not want any of those things, but gave you your blood type? Are you so “fragile” (your own words)   that you do not see that every one has the right to living their own life as they see fit? They gave you life, and the gift of a family. Why do you need to push them for more?

And to add: I get it. Being adopted adds a unique narrative. But it does not give you the right to change someone’s life. Many people have imperfect childhoods and somehow cope without ripping other people’s lives apart. A closed adoption is that: closed. The mom did speak for herself. Sure, someone didn’t “want”you... but at least you have the flip side, unlike a lot of children raised by their bio parents, in that somoen DID want you.

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It doesn’t diminish what adoptive parents did for their children for those children to want to find their birth family.  :roll:

The reality is that the birth mothers were promised something that the modern world cannot actually provide.  A permanently closed adoption where the children they put up for adoption will never be able to find dna related relatives. [b]To act like people who have been adopted are villains for utilizing these commercialized tools to find their relatives (who btw opted into using these things) is just beyond dumb.[/b] [/quote]

Literally no one is saying this.  They are saying that the birth mother has indicated that she does not want to be contacted.  The newly discovered blood relatives have indicated that they do not want to be contacted.  Knowing that, the OP's sister should leave these people alone.  OP's sister did nothing wrong in reaching out to them, but now that she knows they don't want to talk to her, she should respect that.  And I say that as an adoptee.  [/quote]

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