Reply to Stepparent not invited - getting acrimonious

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ex-DH married a woman he had an affair with during our marriage.  My kids do not like their stepmother, they call her "fake" and "pretentious."  As a result, they've been told on and off to "either show her respect or not come in."  So they chose not to interact with her and text their father whenever they want.

My Oldest DD has been very adamant she wants nothing to do with her stepmother.   Ex-DH does try to "make her respect the new woman", but it's gotten bad.  We had many conversations about this, she's at an age where she can make her own decisions.

Long story short:  DD made it clear she does not want the stepmother at her upcoming HS graduation.  Ex-DH is upset and says he will show up with her anyways.  DD said that she will ask security to escort her if she shows up.  I know, I have a very strong-willed child.  But it's her graduation and she is within her rights to invite or dis-invite whoever she wants.

WWYD?  [/quote]

Understanding that your DD has a right to make her own decisions...  It is your job as her parent to help her understand the consequences of said decision, which will only perpetuate conflict.  It is unreasonable for dad to not respect her decision, but it is also unreasonable for your DD to assume that her dad and step-mom are anything other than a unit.  If step-mom is not invited, dad is not invited.  It is totally appropriate for Dad to take step-mom's side in this situation.

What would I do?  I would encourage her to invite her step-mom even though that will be hard for her because it is the right thing to do.  I would encourage her to let go of her resentment and anger towards this woman, which are clearly present. She does not have to be BFFs with her mom, it is simply a recognition of the fact that as long as dad and step-mom are married, they are a unit and should be treated as such.

It's really hard OP, I have a step mom in my life as well and it's difficult.  I don't get along with dad.  It would be tempting and internally satisfying to me to see a rejection of said step-mom play out.  But this is not what is best for my daughter. What is best is that she has a good relationship with her dad, which by definition includes her step-mom.  She takes her cues from you, so giver her the right ones.

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I'm sorry, but posts with this level of emotional maturity, thoughtfulness, and wisdom are not permitted on DCUM. This is your first and only warning. Please observe other posters and match their level of spite and bitterness or you will be banned from the site.[/quote]

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