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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife was at an event with a group of women. One said she was reading a book about how not to hate your spouse when you had little kids. That prompted a show of hands for who would be o.k. never having sex again and all the women raised their hands. My wife shared that as something that made her feel positive because she didn't feel alone in her lack of libido.

The background is that we have sex about every 4-6 weeks. I've talked to her about how this a lot lower than I'm happy with, and it makes me feel unloved and disconnected. She says that there's nothing wrong with me and it's on her end. Lately she's been talking to a therapist but doesn't feel like she's making any progress. I think the women she was with had smaller children. Ours are early teens.

I responded that I imagined it made her feel very isolated if she thought she was the only one with this issue and it probably felt good not to feel so alone. What I felt was pretty hopeless that she'd be o.k. never having sex again. I'm also nervous that having a bunch of friends saying the same thing will encourage her to stop making any effort to improve our sex life, allowing it to continue to deteriorate.

I don't want to cheat, divorce, or "declare our marriage open." I also don't want to have sex with my wife if she doesn't want to have it. It's tough not to despair. 
[/quote]
Inform her the marriage is Open, then go out and meet your needs.. It's not cheating: it's a lifestyle choice, similar to a wife choosing to never/rarely have sex with husband.[/quote]

I sense your wife really doesn't care what you do or who with going by all your posts.[/quote]
I feel a need to advise other men with low-libido wives of how to save their marriage.[/quote]

And you’re coming at it with your view that sex is ALL that matters in a marriage. If he’s not getting sex, then everything else—kids, shared interests, years of shared history, knowing each other like nobody else knows you—can and should go out the window!

Why not take matters into your own hands, for that matter?

I have a hunch you’ve never been married.[/quote]

Actually the exact opposite! A wife who "goes of sex" has clearly established that sex is completely NOT important to the marriage at all. So, rather than throw away all those other things you mentioned (kids, shared interests, years of shared history, knowing each other) it makes alot more sense that the man goes and does that "unimportant thing" (sex) with another woman. In this way, the marriage can be saved. There is no other answer that keeps the marriage together. Opening the marriage is a last gasp effort to save it.[/quote]

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