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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wait. Wait.  OP here.  If he is so unhappy with the frequency of SEC that he wants to cheat, shouldn’t he mention it first?  Like, hey, Sex life is not what i’m Looking for, let’s work on it?  TBH, the last couple of times we had sex, he seemed to not to be into it (already cheating, I would guess).  [/quote]

Are you obtuse? You think it really needs to be said out loud? You KNOW you’re not providing a crucial part of marriage but you’re like, “yeah well we are married and not doing it. But he should have mentioned it!” Cmon lady. Don’t be dumb. [/quote]

Look, there are a lot of things in marriage that he is not living up to either.  Maybe the use of “sexless” was wrong.  We DO have sex, just not terribly frequently.  But, honestly, when I work Ft and do 100 percent of the kid and housework because his job is oh so important, maybe i’m Mentally and physically exhausted.  When he travels 60-70 percent of the time so I have no support (emotional or help around the house), maybe that doesn’t make me dying to jump in bed with him the second he gets home.   I have no social or support network where we live because I have moved 9 times for his job (all the while being a trouper and finding a way to keep my career going, sacrificing better positions to make his career work).   He doesn’t make time or seemingly sacrifice anything for me, so i’m Not sure how he can expect intimacy at will.

See, it’s a 2 way street.  I am actually willing, but I can’t turn it off and on like that—i’m Not a guy.

So, yes, I do think he owes me the courtesy of discussing it.

Oh, and before you say I want to stay for the money, I make about 250k by myself so I don’t need Home for the money (and I live in a community property state so I get half anyway).

[/quote]

You don't get a cookie or recognition. I do all of that, have a "high powered job" and I am a single parent. I am exhausted  EVERYDAY and STILL have the urge to have sex. Being tired is BS, when you want it, you want it. It's the best when you are tired . . . getting a massage and a little bit of loving! Yes.

MEN: Don't believe the "i am too tired to have sex crap." It's a line that women like to use to deny you sex. Washing dishes, doing laundry, helping with homework, nursing a new baby, have NOTHING to do with your sex drive. There are deeper issues involved in the denial of sex in a marriage. Is she being satisfied, so it makes it fun. Are you being intimate with her outside of physical attraction.

Now, if she has medical issues, that is another story but don't blame housework on not wanting sex. [/quote]

I'm not the OP BUT the OP didn't specifically say she never has the urge. She did say she was tired, yes. But honestly, if I were her, that sort of behavior from my husband would not be attractive - at all. He just wants to come home from work to a hot dinner and expects to get laid? No thanks. He doesn't need to write her poems or hire a skywriter, but appreciation through action goes a long freaking way. And THIS is exactly the reason why the sexless marriage whiners on this board won't ever understand that it's not that their wives are dried up - it's that they don't understand that a woman's libido is different then theirs. A crappy husband in a sexy outfit isn't attractive. An amazing husband in sweats is ridiculously hot. It's not a woman's age that diminishes their drive, it's men getting complacent. And I don't want to hear whining about it being complicated because if you care about someone, you want to make them happy. And it's not hard to figure out. If we as females are striving to stay fit and exciting for our husbands, they can make some effort too. [/quote]

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