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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She IS going to be in their lives. And she should be. You need to get over it.[/quote]

nope, she doesn't[/quote]
+1

I don’t get why people keep saying this. 1) MIL doesn’t even treat her grandchildren well! Telling them they look dirty sending racist, inappropriate gifts etc. 2) a lot of people are not close to all (or sometimes any) of their grandparents [/quote]

OP isn't the only person making the call here.  Her husband doesn't sound like he is on board with cutting off contact, and even if they divorced, he might still have a say.  That's why so many of us has said this is really an issue between the two of them.  [/quote]

OP here. Ideally I’d like to limit contact, but I haven’t even gotten past the discussion of how wrong my inlaws are. My husband gets defensive and then explodes. At this point I’m beyond hurt and angry that  he can’t see them for what they are and at least protect or defend his own child. [/quote]

I know it's tough, but consider his perspective. They are his parents, not some random people, and they raised him well enough to be a great guy now and a great father (at least you haven't said otherwise). Heck, he was such a great guy you even married him!

Older people also aren't as good at understanding what is offensive or not. My father (who is white and his late 70's) is not racist -- he even married a POC -- but when he was a kid growing up in MD, the schools were segregated and he told me about going to Ocean City, MD and the snack bars and bathrooms had separate sections for whites and colored. Growing up in an environment like that and it's more difficult to undrestand why what was OK back then is not OK now. I wonder if his parents grew up in a similar situation.

If these were just family friends, it's easy to cut off, but these are his parents.[/quote]

OP here. You’ve pretty much described my inlaws. They are WASPS and have lived fairly isolated lives and have not experienced much out of their racial and economic demographic. My husband, unlike his parents, has lived all over the world. He should know better than defend and accept their behavior. I’ve done ok at avoiding the inlaws and limiting my kids time with them, but I want my husband to acknowledge that by making excuses for them he is ultimately his Niraj dismissing and hurting kids. They have been very cold and distant parents and my husband tends to idealize them despite this. [b]I hope he is in denial, otherwise I can’t help but assume that by defending them he also agrees with this parents perspective[/b].[/quote]

No, he just loves his parents despite their flaws, and he should have the freedom to do so.  Love is blind - he can love flawed people. Your goal shouldn't be getting him to turn against his parents or destroying their relationship, just getting him to recognize that their access to your impressionable children should be limited.  [/quote]

OP didn't suggest he disown his parents or even limit time away from grandkids, just acknowledge that they are wrong in their racist remarks. That's it.  [/quote]

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