Reply to Tell me how to tell my MIL she’s delusional without hurting her feelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the advice and suggestions.

I realize that "delusional" is a strong word choice and used it with a hint of sarcasm. While she may be joking, I interpreted her suggestion as berserk for a few reasons. The biggest are that we've never been away from our child longer than a day and that have a spot in a great preschool we're not willing to give up.

Likewise, my reaction stems from my MIL's history of pushing boundaries and making suggestions that make total sense for her without considering what it would mean for us. Some of her other ideas:

- DH and I would find new jobs near her (in a place where no comparable or well-paying jobs currently exist for DH)
- we'd move to her city, where I would get pregnant with another child and work to support the family if DH's job search stalled

She's a great grandmother, but some of her ideas/suggestions just seem presumptuous or desperate to me. DH has even said in the past that his mom is "crazy." Oh well. Thanks for letting me vent.
 
[/quote]

My FIL is sort of like this. [b]When I was pregnant, he told people he was going to babysit while I was at work. Presumptions ike that without ever discussing it with us.[/b] But the real kicker is he suggests things he knows we won't agree to, then gets highly offended when we say no. I think it's a set up so he can be the victim. Anyway, just politely tell her no thanks. Hopefully she'll respond maturely and move on.[/quote]

omg people are just yapping around. do you really think your FIL was planning to care for an infant?[/quote]

Pp here. Do you really think it's normal to tell people you'll be babysitting a child full time when there are zero plans for that to happen? That's really weird.[/quote]

yes i think it's normal - people say all kind of crap to fill in the conversation. you need to stop taking it all so seriously.[/quote]

Ha.  I'll bet if Op casually dropped a comment like "Oh, I've been looking around at assisted living places to move MIL into...."  having never discussed anything of the kind with her independent and active MIL, that would go over like a led balloon with her MIL.

It's not cool to imply things that aren't true.[/quote]

nobody is saying it's cool - it's stupid and shouldn't be done but to obsess about it afterwards is even stupider.[/quote]

eh, I don't think that Op is obsessing about it.  She just sounds confused and taken aback by what her MIL suggested.  It made her uneasy about her MIL's expectations.

I think this is one of those things that you just say "Thanks, but no thanks" and don't bring it up again. It is definitely not worth ruining an otherwise good relationship over. But you do keep that unexpected suggestion in the back of your mind, how could you not?[/quote]

I agree with your approach (take a mental note and not talk about it) but that's not what OP is doing at all. OP started a topic on how to let her MIL know she is "delusional" and continued to obsess about her MIL'a lack of respect, assumptions about her competence as parent etc.[/quote]

Yeah, she needs to make a mental note of this and just drop it.  [/quote]

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