Reply to DW can't manage or handle her aging dad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you are close to the edge because? Is it her confiding in you how difficult her dad is? Is she absent from house, you, your family all the time? I agree that she should not engage so much with her dad and find different options that will lessen her burden of taking him everywhere and dealing with him, but why are you on the edge? Why is it so hard to be a shoulder for her to cry on? It certainly makes me think you are just as selfish as her dad and wish she was there for you as she is there for him. Jealousy rather than concern. If you are at work while she is doing all this care for him, why does it matter? One day, maybe she will take care of you, and it doesn't sound like you will be easy elderly person, so maybe start seeing that we all end up old and have health issues.[/quote]

She is absent from home frequently after work and during weekends. She also works full time.
At points she was spending her lunch break leaving work and going to his place.[/quote]
And then you make it worse by complaining when she gets home. You and your father in law are both trying to yank your wife back and forth to meet your own needs. Not a great situation.[/quote]

Op here. I agree with you! I do complain when she gets home. Because it starts to wear on you to see your spouse walk in the door at 10pm during the week, drained and stressed. Hard to facilitate a positive growing marriage when I have become resentful. Please believe me when I say I don't enjoy this or want to be a "nag" or additional stressor. It is hard to just sit back and have to accept a dysfunctional situation---with no end in sight.[/quote]

Is there a concierge or social worker even at the assisted living center?  What if she talks with them and they approach him about the services. You can tell them you're dealing with some issues-- work, health, whatever-- and nicely let them know the stubborn old man won't accept any help. Maybe a good heart-to-heart talk with them will help? Add in, and "WE"RE not getting any younger, either."

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