Reply to Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?

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Reply to "Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not sure your DH ever stopped being immature. So he joked about this and dug himself a deep hole... It sounds like it then took on a life of its own within his friends and he just either passively or actively let it continue to roll and gather steam.

And not point in the last 4 years did he decide that this had gone too far and that he needed to stop it? He must have continued the act at these couples weekends to explain your absence. He accepted people thinking bad things about you and you being excluded to avoid coming clean.

You need couples counseling stat. Your husband not only doesn't have your back, he is actively working to put you down. You may both need to walk away from that whole group of friends and start with other friends or your friends. He needs to be willing to give up that group of friends Who cares what they think. You need to fix your marriage first.[/quote]

These were not couples weekends.  One of them was a big trip to Vegas and another to Austin.  It was coed -- so girls were invited and guys were invited and everyone brought their so.  He didn't have to continue an act -- he says his friends told them that I wasn't invited both times, so it wasn't his idea, and he just went along with it.[/quote]

OP back again.  [b]Sorry, what???  He has to walk away from those friends?  No.  He won't do that.  He told me that he will blame me for the rest of my life and resent me if I do anything to hurt these friendships.[/b]  He or I need to somehow win back these friends years and years later.  He is willing to tell the truth and come clean, and write letters.[/quote]

Wow. Okay, there is no hope for this marriage if that's how he's still approaching this and you're accepting it. Honestly OP I know you don't want to get divorced but I would start considering it - at least get some contingency plans in place.

And you're ridiculous if you think some weird letters are going to solve this - you're only going to become even more of the laughingstock for the group. Literally that is just going to make it worse. Also, he is only willing to entertain these letters because he got "caught"...he has zero desire to change and he's not even trying to pretend. [/quote]

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