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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote][quote]I agree the "sex therapist" is fake. Also offers really bad advice.[/quote]

The "choreplay gets women hot" theory has been thoroughly debunked globally. At best, choreplay (might) help ensure the woman isn't resentfully avoiding sex. But that is merely avoiding the brakes, not hitting the gas pedal. While it's better when she doesn't have an obvious reason to say NO, she still needs some compelling reason to say YES.[/quote]

NP, from this perspective actually, then the therapist's observation dovetails precisely with what earlier PPs had stated about losing desire but still having regular sex with their DHs.  There may be little you can do to actually rev up desire in a long-term marriage, but I would imagine that an equal relationship and no disproportionate burden would indeed work on avoiding the "brakes" and get to a situation where the lower-drive spouse was actually happy, not just "willing" to take one for the team.  Not ideal, but something.

Also, not sure the "therapist" mentioned this but I think as some of the PPs discussed above, there is an aspect of the choreplay issue that synchs with the confidence/dominance theme too: and that is, as PPs complain, when DH plays dumb/acts like a baby/never takes initiative in the household, it is actually a huge turn off.  So it is not whether any particular chore is complete, e.g. the floor mopped, but the broader point that a DH who seems habitually lazy/shirking/incompetent* is really unattractive from just a primal caveman/cavewoman perspective too!

*I have no opinion about whether this happens frequently or rarely, nor any desire to enter the weird battle of the sexes on this thread.  Just that *theoretically* I can see some overlap between the dominance and choreplay theories....[/quote]

Nope. Choreplay and an "equal relationship" not only does not get women hot, it actively turns women off.

http://www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/savvy/journals/ASR/Feb13ASRFeature.pdf

"Our findings suggest the importance of gender display for sexual frequency in heterosexual marriage: couples where men participate more in core tasks—work typically done by women—report lower sexual frequency."[/quote]

"In one survey found that nice guys who were modest, agreeable, and unselfish were disadvantaged in sexual relationships. Men who were manipulative, arrogant, calculating, and sly were more sexually active and had a greater variety of sexual experiences and a greater number of sex partners. [Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy]"

Ghee, you would have thought a "Sex Therapist" would know this. The chore play theory is nonsense, plain and simple. 
[/quote]

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