Reply to She's pregnant - I'm freaking out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OMG, I can't believe you people. Why create a miserable marriage on top of all other complications?[/quote]

Did you read the thread?  He said he would have been trying to "lock it down" with her if it weren't for the fact he wasn't sure he was ready to have a family.

Now he's going to have a family, ready or not, so he should probably lock it down.*

*I don't actually think they should get [i]married[/i] because she's pregnant, but the guy says he loves her so why not be together so he can be present in his kid's life?[/quote]

Because he felt strongly enough about her existing kids that he affirmatively did NOT want to marry her. It's not fair to those kids, the woman, or the new kid to create a marriage under those circumstances if he can't be a good stepparent.

Maybe it's possible he'll change his mind -- but it would be the wrong thing to do to get married with such huge reservations.  [/quote]

Meh.  He didn't say it was the existing kids in terms of their behavior or not liking them, he said it was the concept of an "insta-family" and not wanting a blended family based on his history.  His family is insta-ing right now and will be blended with half-siblings for his kid already, like it or not.  And again, I didn't say get married.  But he broke up with a woman that by his own account 1) is a good person, that 2) he would have otherwise tried to lock down, because 3) he loved her, all because of a reason that has drastically changed due to circumstances.  He can be a good dad if they're not together, but he can't be as hands on if they're not in a relationship.  This isn't a typical "babies don't fix relationships" post, because he's the one saying he loved her, all he didn't love was jumping into the stepdad role.

Again, he shouldn't show up at her house with a ring.  But back up and look at the facts: the woman he says he loves is having his kid.  Does it really make sense to tell him not to try to rekindle the relationship, just because before he was going to have his own kid he wasn't ready to be a stepdad?[/quote]

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