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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh, this joyful time of year... we're pretty lax Jews, i.e. [b]we don't belong to a shul [/b]but we celebrate holidays with family, and [b]I feel my daughter is learning enough about her culture to keep the meaningful traditions alive[/b]. I myself grew up in an overwhelmingly Catholic town in New England as one of three Jewish kids in our elementary school, so the DMV is obviously extremely diverse by comparison! However it is simply an unavoidable fact of American life that all things Christmas are the norm at this time of year (decorations, music, movies, sales -- basically anything that can be "themed"). And naturally my 7yo has noticed that only Christmas stuff is everywhere, not Hanukkah. And she's started pointing out how it's "not fair" for this to be the case. I've been explaining how Hanukkah isn't really on a par with Christmas in terms of the religious significance of the holiday and how the marketing aspects of the two holidays came to be (never too early to start explaining America's true religion: capitalism!) but she really loves the concept of the advent calendar and wants to get one. I know for her it's all about the little surprises behind the little doors, and as I said, we're pretty lax Jews, but I just can't wrap my head around this. It's giving me flashbacks to my own childhood when I strongly advocated for the right to decorate a Hanukkah Bush in lieu of a Christmas Tree, and it was a total nonstarter in my family (a la Tevya: TRADITION!). I don't even fully understand the concept of advent, except as a countdown to Christmas, but I know it has some religious significance and it would feel weird to have one in my house. I should probably just buy some extra gelt and keep it around for distraction anytime she mentions the advent calendar. But I know this is part of the larger lifelong conversation about religion, American secular traditions, and where lax Jews like us fit into it all, so I'm trying to handle it appropriately without invoking my Tevya genes, and without completely capitulating to the capitalist urges that make the whole thing as problematic as possible. Thoughts on this, oh DCUM readers? Happy Holidays! :)[/quote]

I really, really, really do NOT want to judge you, but I think you just may be a TAD unrealistic?  Unless you live in an overwhelmingly Jewish neighborhood (which it sounds like you do not) I don't think you can easily maintain a distinct Jewish identity, let alone the traditions, without membership in a synagogue (in theory you could in some other Jewish institution with the same level of community and commitment and regular attendance, but AFAICT no such institution exists around here).

If you want to be secular, and also guarantee the kids are unassimilated, you probably need to move to NYC, or maybe even to Israel.  [/quote]

100% agree. If she's not in sunday school at that age, how is she supposed to develop a knowledge of her religion and a connection to her faith. You're just assuming cause she lights a menorah she's gonna get it? If you want her to be a practicing Jew, which it seems like you do, you need to foster that. [/quote]

Another Jew here who agrees. My older cousins took OP's approach with their 3 kids. Years ago, at age 11, their oldest one didn't know what Passover or Rosh Hashanah were about other than being dragged to family meals with their great-grandparents (at which they ate some food and then went off to play video games). My then-boyfriend and I were appalled. We're not super-religious but come on, the High Holidays and Passover are the bare minimum. My cousins finally got a tutor for their kids and all three boys were bar mitzvahed, but I can guarantee you -- just having been to the youngest one's bar mitzvah a few months ago -- that none of them are Jewish in any sense but their DNA. They know nothing of Judaism.

Now, hopefully you are being a bit more diligent than my dear coz, but really, kids don't learn this stuff by osmosis. Unless you grow up in a heavily Jewish area, attend Camp Ramah, or go to Hebrew school from a young age through bnai mitzvah, it's pretty unlikely they're going to develop a strong sense of Jewish identity in any religious sense. Even then it's not guaranteed. We did all this, as did my husband's family, and my SIL never goes to shul and my sister forgot Yom Kippur last year. So a lot depends on the kid, too.

As for the Advent stuff -- (a) I think it's terrible to get a Jewish child an Advent calendar -- you wouldn't get her a cross if she liked it, would you? and (b) I can see the offense on the Christian side too, because Advent really is a religious thing. If she likes the idea of counting down, then count down, but don't imbue it with some religious aspect it doesn't have for us, nor appropriate someone else's religious symbol or ritual.

Good luck. I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and figure if not this year, then next year I'll be dealing with this stuff. But the older one will be in Hebrew school in another 2 years, at least.[/quote]

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