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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, have you and your husband discussed what you do vs what he does?  Like what your "chores" are and what "his" are?  In our household, for instance, I do laundry and DH does trash and dishes.   I refuse to believe that he just doesn't do anything, other than sit on the sofa and take up space. [/quote]

Op here.  We've discussed this dozens of times, including in therapy.

My responsibilities: finances, all cooking, babyproofing house, dishes, laundry, taxes, pet care for our dog, managing daycare, insurance, doctor's appointments, dentist, travel planning, cars and maintenance, coordinating/arranging lawncare.

His: electronics (wifi, home security system), relationship with his family. Sometimes he grills in the summer.

We've talked about how to move things off my plate onto his. Whenever this happens he does such an astonishingly bad job at the task that he gets banned from it (e.g-he's broken our dishwasher and garbage disposal, when he cooks it takes hours and he trashes the kitchen in the process, then I have to pretend to be grateful that he made dinner and spend an hour cleaning up). He will use pure bleach on our hardwood floors. He's ruined hundreds of dollars of clothes because he can't do laundry. He also broke our washing machine by overloading it. He tried to clean the inside of our gas fireplace once. He did a shit job putting it back together and the hot glass cover fell off and landed on me. When I had to travel for work for 3 days, I returned and the dogs water dish was bone dry.

I made a very big mistake marrying this man.[/quote]

This is some BS.  Didn’t he live on his own before?  Who did his laundry before marriage, who did he laundry after marriage but before having kids?  Ain’t no reason for a grown adult to not know how to do their own laundry ...and in this day and age of the Internet and YouTube...

He also should know how to wash dishes.  If he broke the dishwasher oh well, he is washing by hand until he gets it fixed.  At some point either because of the extra time and or money it causes him, he will ask questions and do some research if he truly isn’t sure.  And if he takes something apart again, let him be the guinea pig the first time out.  Oh and if he grills and you live in the DC area, you can grill almost year round and bring the food inside to eat.  I know this because my DH grills at least once a week and before we had so many kid activities it was 2-3 times a week.

With the pet, who decided to get the dog?  If your DH wanted this dog in any way, he should have certain times he walks the dog and does the food and water. You might still have grooming and vet visits but the day to day may be more balanced. If this dog predated your spouse, I think with everything else it would be a bridge too far to expect him to do more there for a pet he may not want.  Your only hope would have been to help him bond with the pet and feed the dog etc prior to the child.  With the cleaning, I would definitely hire a cleaning service.  I noticed many of my friends got cleaning services either once they got married or for sure when they had kids.  It’s one less thing to fight about and honestly working full-time with young kids raises the level of all the things that need to be done in the household so it’s nice to outsource that.

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