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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, based on my experience being married to an underfunctioning, depressive and likely ADHD spouse, I think an honest discussion needs to be had about the state of her mental health and her ability to manage the house. I suspect that they reality for you is that, if you want to stay married, you need to accept that you don't have a fully-participating life partner. And that you don't actually have the option to ramp up your career and earn more, because she's never going to be in a position to help out at home the way a fully-functioning stay-at-home spouse could do. I think the only way for you both to avoid resentment is for each of you to be honest about your family's situation. She needs to accept that she needs to contribute in some way, that she can't expect you to handle everything, and can't just hide from her unhappiness by quitting her job under the guise of wanting to be a SAHM, which you both know she's not cut out to do. You need to accept that you'll always be the one contributing more and that your family income will not be maximized because she can't do her share.[/quote]

Sad but true. I am in the process of accepting my husband as the underfunctioning partner, and it's tough going.[/quote]

Are you guys really okay with that? That's like being married to an alcoholic.  I actually am married to an alcoholic, but no way would I stay married to him if he were not in recovery or if he refused treatment.  [/quote]

No, but I married for better or worse. The marriage counsellor told my husband directly in front of me that he needed to step it up. That lasted six weeks.[/quote]

OP here, but this.

Here is the ironic thing. My wife is actually very, very good at a lot of the things I don't do well. She's the fun. She's the creative parent. She's the project parent. She's the parent, honestly, the kids prefer. I am, in a lot of ways, task master. Some of it is my personality and some of it is that someone needs to keep an eye on the clock and the trains running on time. So, in a way, when it comes to certain things, I am the under performing parent.

What I'd like us both to admit is that we have our lanes, we know what's working in terms of our home life and to not futz with that in the hopes of getting away from a job that isn't ideal.

In my wife's head, being home full time means more time crafting, cooking (elaborate) meals from scratch, gardening, hobbies, and quality time with the kids. And while it may be part of it, there's another whole part she isn't here for and that's the part that I fear will land on my plate while I'm working more and stretched thinner.

We've had conversations about this, but whenever we come close to the line about this conclusion, my wife gets upset and offended and defensive. So, we walk the line back and admit anyone can do this, including her, well. It's frustrating.[/quote]

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