Reply to Refusal to change your last name makes me question your committment!!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=kels968]My fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years and he proposed to me earlier this year and it couldn’t have been more perfect. My family and friends had been expecting him to get down on one knee and were over the moon when we broke the news.

But, since then we have been constantly bickering over my decision to keep ym last name. My fiancé has become adamant about me taking his last name after we’re married. When we bicker , the things we bicker about are representations of how we feel.

I’ve always told him that I was keeping my name for professional reasons, which he’s always been fine with, but now he has a problem with it.

I’ve met his family numerous times and have told them long ago that I’d keep my name and they were fine with it and never mentioned it again and I was very grateful that they were so understanding. They have always welcomed me with open arms, but my fiance is suddenly nt comfortable with me keeping my name. He says, it shows lack of committment. I don’t even know how to reply to that. I’m all-in. I just want to keep my name. I can’t believe this is even a conversation.

Now, prior to this we were have a great time planning our wedding but now he merely nods whenever I broach the subject of our marriage. I thought maybe we’d set the wedding date later in the year but now I don’t see it happening. I’ve not said anything about wedding in the past week but he still seems a bit distant. Nobody’s giving anyone a silent treatment , but he seems a bit hurt and focus more of his time on his work than me.

Even my parents says that neither of us will be happy if one of us caves in on the subject, they says it’s not a good way to start a life together. Now, I don’t consider my fiance old fahioned but he really wants me to take his name.

I don’t even know what to do anymore.

I have once again tried to talk to him but he is still very adamant on his view on this subject.
He says, people will always have opinions, and while I do not agree with all of them, I do welcome them, however I think we have taken this conversation as far as we can. The rest is up to you
I have tried all of the options but the man is not willing to see my point of view in such an important decision.

He always says, you have to consider my feelings in this . You can’t possibly imagine the embarrassment I’d have to face that my wife won’t be taking my last name. That’s how I see it.[/quote]

NP here and have not read the replies yet, but I had a similar issue.  He didn't care, then suddenly does care--that means someone "got" to him. Like a brother.  (fyi this may also come up if you get pregnant with a boy; especially if your fiance is a Jr. or III.  Someone in the family says "you have to name him Larlo Jr. and all of a sudden you're in a pickle)

The issue can be teased apart, first legally vs. socially.  Within socially, it can further be divided into different social circle subsets (and work circle subsets). So the idea that worked for us was that we agreed that I'd go by Ms. MaidenName for work, then go by Ms. HusbandName when dealing with his family, his parents' friends or family friends.  We were silly about it so we also agreed I'd go by Ms. HusbandName if in his home state or if flying over his home state.  I think with his law firm we stuck with my maiden name, but fyi I would be ok either way with how they knew me.

We've been married 20 years and it's fine.  The issue goes away, really, when you have other issues, this is a tiny fish to fry.  When our kids went to school, their little classmates called me Ms. HusbandName and I never corrected them; and the classmates' parents ended up assuming my name was Ms. HusbandName because of our children's last name.  I just let it roll.

Very important because you said he said "embarrassed."  At the wedding, let them announce you as Mr. and Mrs. HusbandName.  It will have no impact on you, but big impact if his family is behind this, and therefore big impact on your future DH.

Now I'll say something else...you can always change your name.  So one strategy re this is to say to him, "honey, getting married involves so many big changes.  You can introduce me however you want, and let's talk about the legalities 6 months after the wedding."  It will possibly go away, and if it doesn't, then you can figure it out then.[/quote]

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