Reply to Would you give a second chance?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel sympathetic to the MIL after reading the initial post a couple of times.

Try reading it playing Devil's Advocate.

So, I agree that the MIL's behavior wasn't great at the end but go back to the beginning...her behavior wasn't great after she was pressed but, from what I read in the original post, she seemed to hold it together [u]until[/u] she was pressed.  Yes, she was mopey but she wasn't being a drama queen until she started getting hit with "What's wrong?", "No, really, we can see you're upset, what's wrong?", and then probably getting "MIL, really, we can see you're unhappy, tell us what's wrong", probably with a bit of attitude.  So she finally says what's wrong and OP and her mom blow it off with "well, we spent the day together, [i]of course [/i] (you silly goose) we drove together", which really drives the point home that she was being excluded by the secret club.  Then when she becomes emotional she gets a lot of push-back because she is engaging in drama.

Anyway, reading the post it certainly seems like the drama was sort of thrust on her in a mean-girl kind of way...[/quote]

Slept on this one.  I think that since OP is so close to her Mom that she should plan a different event with her kids with her Mom.

OP should only invite the MIL to the Fall Festival.  It gives OP a second chance with MIL to experience the Fall Festival without the OP/mom dynamic, which seems to not bring out the best in OP or her mother.  I do think that the behavior of OP and her mom drove the dynamic the prior year causing a nervous MIL to become emotionally overwrought when she felt excluded and probably shoved out by OP and her mom.[/quote]

NO.. just NO!!! This rewards the MIL for throwing a tantrum. [/quote]

So? She's not a child to be corrected. And sometimes repairing a relationship and being kind and understanding is more important than being right. [/quote]
But hwat if she gets upset about some other irrational thing again this year?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. [/quote]

So? Is it going to kill anyone if she gets upset?

If I were OP, I would have my husband call his mother ahead of time and ask her what happened last year and why she was upset. Say "Mom, we'd like to invite you again this year, but last year you got so upset you cried, and we really don't understand what happened. Please tell us." Listen to what she says. If it's something easily fixable like she just didn't understand the plan, fix it. If she wants to drive with OP and her mom and that can be done, do it. If she wants to spend the day with OP and her mom before the event, no, that's not necessary. But something small that isn't much inconvenience -- why not? And if whatever it is she wants can't be done, and that is explained ahead of time, and she still gets upset -- ok, so the following year you don't invite her. But I don't see why you wouldn't try to make it work this time. Not everything has to be the nuclear option, you know? 
[/quote]

Wow, talk about entitlement! So, now missing one event is the nuclear option??[/quote]

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