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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a NP and I can't believe everyone is just assuming MIL was out of line.  For all we know, OP (and her mother) were extremely exclusionary throughout the event.  We already know OP and her mother are very close.  So, picture it this way:

OP invites MIL and in response to MIL probably asking about getting there, OP says "we're all going to meet there."

MIL arrives and finds everyone (including OP's DH) already there enjoying themselves.  MIL asks saying "I thought we were all meeting here?"  And OP tells her that her mom came with them.  MIL assumes DH also came with them, OP doesn't clarify.

OP's made it clear she and MIL don't have a great relationship to begin with, so imagine the group going around and OP and her mother ignoring or leaving out the MIL.  Imagine the OP going "Mom, come here, take a look at this."  "Kids, come here with [Mom] and let's go here"  "Mom, see Janie over there?  Well, I was telling you about her earlier today and blah blah blah"

The way I can envision it, OP and her mom are being complete mean girls - yet, her OP is factually correct in that she invited MIL and her and her mom drove together and then magically her MIL lost it.  So, everyone assumes that there was nothing in OP's behavior (or her mother's for that matter) that would lead to the MIL feeling left out.

OP - Obviously, I don't know if you did any of that, but it's clear you don't like your MIL and are looking for a reason to exclude her.  I mean, it didn't even occur to you to have your mom sit this festival out and have your mom go to the cider thing.  It was like you start out as fact that your mom will be going - it's just a question of whether your MIL will join you both.

I'm with the other posters that suggest you invite (and maybe drive altogether) your MIL and maybe try including her a bit more.

[/quote]

This is an interesting take on things. I could see things having happened this way, and I think that's because, to be honest, I can't stand my mil (she and I are very very different) and I have done the mean girl thing with my mom before. My mil didn't cry and make a scene but she acts like a martyr and publicly says that I don't like her. We bring out the worst in each other, so I've cut my interactions with her to a minimum. What's wrong with OP doing the same? [b]You can't have a great relationship with everyone[/b].[/quote]

That's true -- you can't have a great relationship with everyone.  But OP's inability to reel in her mean girl activities does mean that she is depriving her children of a chance to get to know one of their grandmothers.  And that is horrible.  OP needs to learn to put her own feelings aside for the benefit of her children.  Especially since it seems like she contrived this situation to make her MIL come out as an emotional wreck but it was at the expense of her own kids.[/quote]
How so? She's suggesting a visit to a cider mill with JUST the ILs. Her own parents won't be there. Now is she depriving her own children of anything, just because she would rather not risk a repeat of last year at the festival, especially when her husband won't be there to run interference? So she does THIS event alone with her parents only, and plans the cider mill day with HIS parents. I don't see how anyone loses? [/quote]

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