Reply to Would you agree to let your spouse stay home

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[quote=Anonymous]There are specific questions to consider here, and I say this as a SAHM, who has close family members who are SAHDs (so I'm aware of the gender issues).

1.  How old are your kids?  If you don't have them, don't do it.  If they are daycare age (under 3), I think having a stay-at-home parent is a great choice.  If they are school age (older than 5), I would encourage DH not to SAH, and if he wants to scale back, to work reduced hours or find a part-time gig.  The tough decision is if they are between ages 3 and 5.  If so, are they high-needs?  Energetic?  Emotional?  Then I can see the appeal of SAH, with the kids in a preschool program in the mornings.  If they are  not high-needs kids and they are older than age 3, I'd consider encouraging DH to work part-time first.

2.  What are your hours like?  How much do you contribute (or would you like to contribute) to household tasks?  I SAH for many reasons, but one of those is that my spouse works long hours and I want the hours he's not working to be spent with the family, not doing work around the house (as much as possible, anyway).  When we are both home the dishes and childcare is split 50/50, but all the "things to do" are for me and me alone to do (from managing our budget and paying taxes, to all school related tasks, getting clothing, obviously groceries and other household items, cooking, laundry etc).  If you will work long hours and would benefit from that sort of support, then having DH stay home would be huge for your family.

3.  Do you know if you will like your job?  I would never have SAH if I didn't know how much my DH likes his job, and that it is quite stable.  Again, if you aren't sure if you like your job, or if it's stable, I'd encourage your spouse to go part-time first.

Finally, as others have mentioned, I'd encourage your spouse to think of this as a JOB - but his job is the house and the kids.  And that he should really think about what will come next, because there will reach a point where he'll want or need to do something else, in order to be fulfilled.  Whether that's a hobby or volunteer work or more likely returning to the workforce is up to you two to decide, but it will happen, believe me.  As much as people like to make fun of SAH parents for sitting around eating bon bons, no one is actually happy doing that.  People need to work - either for money or in the home or for the community as volunteers - to feel fulfilled.[/quote]

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