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[quote=Anonymous]My mother observed that it's easier for her to be really involved with my kids because I am their mother. She raised me. And I'm the mom, which like it or not still generally holds a lot of weight.

She observed this around my MIL, who is not as involved, and my MIL replied that she finds it easier to be involved with her daughter's children than with mine. Because no matter how open I am to her involvement, I am not her daughter, we do not have the same easy relationship or history she has with her daughter, and I am the mom, which like it or not still generally holds a lot of weight.

It could also be their personalities, but these are the things I observe.
My mom can come over and we're in the middle of something. She can either find an out of the way spot and stay there until we're ready for her, and she can jump in and start to help. She's done both, and occasionally has tried to help in a way that wasn't, and when I told her thanks but no thanks, she backed off quickly and with no complaints.
My MIL makes an entrance, and yes, expects to be treated like a guest. If you're in our home on a weeknight, you really aren't a guest. We got home from work, are dealing with dinner and homework and after school practices, and everything else that comes from being a family. If you can't grab a kid and help them with their homework, or at the very least get your own glass of water, it's best for you to not come over on a weeknight.

We can drop in and out of my mom's. Nothing is expected. My MIL seems to make everything a thing. If we miss because a kid had a game, we're made to feel guilty. And if we invite her to the game, she might not come because she doesn't think a 6 year old's soccer game is worth the drive. My mom is up for anything. The kids call her because they made up a puppet show, she'll work out a time in her schedule when she can come see it. My MIL just isn't as excited about the kid-stuff even though she wants to see them. And my mom is always asking if we want to go out to dinner or get some time away, and she'll happily watch the kids. She'll watch them at her place or ours. My MIL always wants us to come to her. She lives an hour away, which isn't a big deal, but it means if we want a celebratory week-night dinner, we're not calling her, we're calling my mom. My mom'll come to our house, and the kids will be asleep in their beds when we get home.

I know my MIL feels like my mom gets preferential treatment, and she does. It's easier with my mom. My mom fits herself into our lives. My MIL wants us to fit into hers.[/quote]

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