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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I wonder how much semantics might be playing into this. I am willing to accept my father's new family, including:
-asking about the stepchildren and grandchildren in conversation 
-engaging positively with all of them at holidays or other visits to their home
-buying birthday gifts for the stepgrandchildren

I am not interested in playing "pretend family", including:
-group family vacations 
-hosting these people in my home (this is the biggie)
-playing along with the idea that we have some sort of connection. Our parents married each other a few years ago. It's not any deeper than that 
-expectations that we will attend events for stepchildren and stepgrandchildren (i.e.-step sister's college graduation, stepgrandkids sporting events, etc).

Similarly I expect nothing from my step siblings. Just be pleasant when we see each other. They don't have to visit me or buy me gifts or anything.

I view them as I would distant cousins and would be good with that kind of relationship. Our parents expect us to act like siblings, which I don't like.

[/quote]

Then make it about hosting and drop the other stuff.  "Dad we'd love to see you and Sally, but we don't have the time/space to host the whole group. We look forward to seeing them next Christmas at your house."

If you live 5 hours away you can't be expected to attend events for the step-grandchildren. If you have to draw that boundary do it without feeling bad.  That said if on your next visit there one of them is playing Donkey # 2 in the school play what's them harm in going?

You do have "some sort of connection" through your parents. If they work out you will know these people for a long time. The annoying kids might turn out to be loving older cousins to you kid.  Maybe you'll want to take a group vacation on of these days. Who knows. Instead of " I'm not interested" try "I don't know them well and they live far away." It sounds more open minded. [/quote]

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